super sincere missive from a liberal – please keep talking, assclown

And I really mean that. Because you’re not just entertaining for your foisting of dense stupidity and cat-brained propaganda, you’re also a pretty good divining rod for the next truckload of whistling ‘What the Fuck?’ careening down the pike.

First, here’s our intrepid, psychic wingnut: Andrew Klavan. Whoever that is.

He’s obviously self-important enough to make hilarious culture-critique call me buttfacevideos to put on the net via Pajamas TV (also known as ‘I fell down on the internet and can’t get up‘). Lord knows we need more right-wingers telling us about reality, clueing us into what’s really going on in the world the way Andrew does.

Because the very same people who pierced the veil of a psychotically paranoid dictatorship half a world away and found nuclear weapons, the folks who stared right through the skull of Terri Schiavo and witnessed the furiously firing synapses of a modern Helen Keller, these people should be listened to. Because they’re so goddamned funny. You know what I mean. These rolling buzzards are an absolute riot (and when ‘teabagging’ gets involved, very barely literally…) (no, not that there’s anything wrong with it…).

Yes, the people who have absolutely no talent whatsoever for understanding reality want desperately to let you know they’ve had it figured it out all along. It’s kinda like the mystery of George W. Bush’s musings on the ‘Culture of Life’ but without the traumatic brain injury irony. Like pigeons telling you how to use public restrooms. Tyra Banks’ tips on acting like a decent human being — there’s no hope of actual revelation in these cases. Like trying to watch an Adam Sandler ‘comedy.’

So when a weird tool from the City Journal (‘ . . described by Peggy Noonan as “the best magazine in America”‘ [Et tu, Pegge? Or, alternatively: I come here not to praise City Journal, but — DOLPHINS. *squeal*]) (btw: founded by the same William Casey that orchestrated Iran/Contra’s ‘why-bargain-with-terrorists-when-you-can-fellate-them’ arms for hostages deal) says he’s figured out what’s at the iron core of the left wing, you know this is gonna be good.

. . . 3 . . 2 . . 1 . . (for bonus points, check the ‘Net Neutrality’ gambit–beep beep) . . .

. . you didn’t get through the whole clip, did ya? I know, it’s like standing in front of a bank of klieg lights at midnight and swatting at moths.

Has there ever been a lazier argument proffered? ‘You know what you guys say — you know what you’re all about? You just want us to shut up.’ Oh no, somebody’s feelings have been hurt.

And I think I know how it happened. We dared to argue with the likes of Andrew Klavan and the other nuclear charm bombs of Pajamas TV (also known as ‘We’re so square, we give M.C. Escher nightmares‘). When we swipe at them for their squirrely wingnuttery, they interpret this as ‘they want me to shut up.’ Of course, this is just the latest mistake in a life cats-and-dogs soaked with large numbers of piss-poor conclusions.

We actually want you to wise up. After innocent Americans are attacked and killed, we don’t want you to kill thousands more by starting a war in a third-party nation like Iraq. If the neurosurgeons say Terri Schiavo is brain-dead, please don’t paralyze the federal government because you’re disappointed. And go ahead and say whatever you like about these things, that’s fine. But just because we argue with you whenever the bat-wings trigger another tornado in your belfry, we’re not guilty of anything you can call ‘oppression.’ In the adult world, it’s what we call ‘politics.’

But Andrew Klavan won’t ever understand that. I figured this out after I found a piece of his ‘opinion’ on the LA Times site:

Take the Limbaugh Challenge
Andrew Klavan | May 29, 2009

If you are reading this newspaper, the likelihood is that you agree with the Obama administration’s recent attacks on conservative radio talker Rush Limbaugh. That’s the likelihood; here’s the certainty: You’ve never listened to Rush Limbaugh.

I’ll spare you the rest. Mr. Projection here thinks that if you stopped listening to those Media Matters clips and started listening to the whopping asshole yourself, you’d finally understand him.

And for that opinion, Andrew Klavan, I thank you, comically.