Well, we have an early candidate for Comprehensive Dumbfuck Post of the Year now. Robert Stacy McCain, who writes for the Moonie funded Washington Times and for his blog “The Other McCain”, has dropped this Sarah Palin-rescuing load of really twisted Conservative crap on the internet [see here and here for background]. It’s so appallingly dumb and so loaded with his robust bigotry on ‘how gay people really are’ that there’s little doubt the real reason he bothered to write it was only this: ‘You know what? YOU guys are GAY! HA!‘ Which then puts him additionally in the category of narcissist.

This is pretty much it: ‘I know what’s really going on here–you guys are actually gay, and that makes you defective losers because my genius superpowers of gay observation figured out how you guys really are–yuck.’ And then, the piece de resistance: ‘Actually, I have no idea who you are.’

So why would a writer leap to a conclusion that someone else is gay, and therefore intellectually hamstrung and defective, only to write that he has no idea who this someone actually is? ‘YOU guys are GAY! HA!’, that’s why.

It takes small people to stoop this low

Says Professor William Jacobson regarding Wonkette’s despicable treatment of Sarah Palin’s year-old son, Trig. And I would amend the professor’s sentiments only to improve them by saying, “It takes gay men to stoop this low.”

Yeah, I just wrote that. And put it on the Internet.

Just an awesome start, if you’d like to be seen as some eternally stupid asshole. Straight folks can be scum, sure, but if you really want to see some low-life shit, you need gay men.

We could reference Susan Sontag’s Notes On Camp here, or we could invite comment from various rogue lesbians — Tammy Bruce, Camille Paglia, Cynthia Yockey — who from time to time have criticized gay culture in a way that certainly cannot be denounced as “homophobic.” But rather than make an argumentum ad vericundiam, let me defend my own argument on the basis of personal observation:

Now McCain is pretending to be smart here, which is a sure tip off, since he’s a typical Conservative, that a simpleton’s argument is now crammed in the web cannon. If we were smarter, we’d take cover…

*Gay men have mother issues. This has been a subject of much controversy. Freud’s view of homosexuality as a species of mental illness, and the resulting conception of homosexuality as a psychopathology requiring therapeutic intervention, has wrought much mischief over the years. Yet Freud was certainly correct to think of homosexuality as an [sic] matter of development with roots in early childhood, particularly in the parent-child relationship. No need to indulge in elaborate symbolism or references to Greek mythology (Freud was full of crap about that) to say this: It is obvious that most gay men can’t get past the “female = Mom” hurdle in their minds. We could discuss that at length, but this is a blog, not an advanced psychology text, so let’s move on.

Where do I begin to torch this overinflated zeppelin of hydrogen stupidity? Gay men have mother issues. Why? It’s been controversial, Freud caused mischief, then he was totally right, then he was totally wrong. And gay men just can’t get past the “female = Mom” hurdle, and let’s not go on here like an advanced psychology text although I certainly could.

What the FUCK? There are six sentences in that paragraph, and none of them are connected to each other, other than by mention of Freud. It’s classic Conservative writing, everything moves forward by secret association and kabuki logic.

BOB: “Gay men have mother issues.”

BOB: “Well, I write on the internet.”

The guy wants to talk ‘mother issues’ and mysterious hurdles, but can’t even tell you what he thinks those things are, why he believes they exist, why they’re important or how they’re relevant to Wonkette posting photoshopped pictures of Sarah Palin’s kid.

And if I’ve interpreted McCain’s nonsense correctly, isn’t the “‘female = Mom’ hurdle” only a real problem for straight men? I know I would never want to date my Mom. If the ‘hurdle’ exists for gays, then they’d be stuck thinking all women are ‘Mom’. I’d very much doubt they’d want to poke fun at Sarah Palin then, that’d make them pretty uncomfortable, right? Dumbshit obviously didn’t think twice about what he was writing, he was likely too satisfied with the triumphal insult of calling people ‘gay.’

Anyways, here are more of his horrific ‘insights’ into what gay people are actually like:

* Gay men are gynophobic. Which is to say, they are repulsed by the basic physical equipment of female sexuality. They’ve got no admiration for your vajayjay, ladies…

* Gay male culture is profoundly misogynistic. One of the most absurd claims of feminism is that the fashion industry’s mistreatment of women…is a manifestation of oppressive patriarchal sexism. This is a lie that could only deceive anyone so stupid they don’t notice that all men in the fashion industry are gay. To the extent that the Vogue and Cosmo are misognystic hate literature (as all Women’s Studies majors are taught), it is because they represent the typical gay man’s view of women.

* The normalization of gay culture requires the derogation of traditional female roles… One reason lesbians like Cynthia Yockey become disenchanted with the Official Gay Movement is the recognition that they’re riding in the back of the Equality Bus, and that the feminist “sisterhood” has made a cynical deal with the misogynistic gay-male Devil.

Now you see why I can claim this post as a ‘Dumbfuck #1′ candidate.

More campaigning:

…feminists are essentially correct in saying that in traditional societies women’s status is dependent upon their success in the wife-mother role. Let a woman gain fame and fortune, let her amass wealth and power and, in a traditional society, these achievements will not win her widespread admiration unless she is also a devoted wife and mother.

That there are in contemporary America successful female “role models” who are single and childless (e.g., Oprah) is testimony to how far we are from being a traditional society. Yet it is still the fact that the overwhelming majority of young women, imagining their futures, do not dream of reaching midlife as barren spinsters. (Yeah, I just wrote that. And put it on the Internet.)

So now he’s insulting women too.

Given the choice between being Oprah and Sarah Palin, then, most young women would rather be like Sarah — and not merely because Todd is such a tasty hunk of prime beef.

And now all the gay folks have fallen out of their chairs. Well, at least you’re laughing.

…just as the traditional family model celebrates a certain kind of woman, it also celebrates a certain kind of man — the kind of man the gay man is emphatically not. Furthermore, the domestic wife-mother type of woman is a universal object of horror and ridicule in gay culture.

So we return to Ken Layne and Wonkette’s vicious hostility toward Sarah Palin, a hostility quite sufficient to encompass even one-year-old Trig. Is Ken Layne actively and exclusively homosexual? I don’t know, and it’s irrelevant to the point that this type of hostility toward Palin — a hostility focused laser-like on her maternal qualities — is a classic expression of gay-male “camp” culture.

Amazing. McCain has gone all this way to tell everybody how this anti-Palinism is absolutely borne out of people being gay, and that the inherent defects of ‘those people’ are then manifested in public. So, Ken Layne, the guy who runs Wonkette, must be gay? “I don’t know, and it’s irrelevant…” Well, so much for this entire post, we can throw this into the trash right now, thanks for wasting our time.

The defect at Wonkette is a problem of who people are, but you have no idea who Ken Layne or anyone else at Wonkette is. Well then, this is just an insulting, stupid, bigoted diatribe aimed at all gay people in general, right? What a terrific guy Robert Stacy McCain is.

And if that doesn’t make you all utterly despise this shameless ass, try reading the rest of this awful, brutal post:

So it is with my gay friends… Does Bruce [Majors] fit the description of the Oedipal-conflicted misogynistic gynophobe hostile to the traditional family?…If Bruce is prejudiced against the vajayjay, that’s his own business. And if my own preference for the vajayjay borders on the monomanical — I’m a father of six, after all — that’s between me and Mrs. Other McCain.

The anti-Palin agenda of Wonkette therefore expresses the attitude of an extremely un-libertarian type of gay man, a man who is not at all like my friend, Bruce Majors.

So whether or not Ken Layne is actually gay, there can be no doubt that Ken Layne is a vicious cocksucker.

Yeah, I just wrote that. And put it on the Internet.

Wow.