Anytime I get a chance to feature Fox News’ Lt. Col. Ralph (Bob) Peters, I will because he’s so fucking funny. He’s the perfect embodiment of what Fox believes is gold: ultra-conservative, militant, highly critical of anything smelling of Democrats. And he’s sharp as a box of yawning kittens, which makes him especially Fox-ey.

What can you say of a guy who actually begins an analysis of Obama’s meeting with Putin with this hoary chestnut:

“The Russian Bear is huge and wild
it has devoured the infant child
the infant child is not aware
it has been eaten by the Bear”

How timely (for 1979). How telling (‘Hullo–I fancy myself a cable warrior poet-douche’). How to remember and then manage all 4 lines when you’re ‘Bob’ Peters? What an idiot.

For a little more on Fox’s resident tooth chipper, try this clip. It’s where Peters swore Obama was in over his foreign policy head with the Somali Pirate ‘fiasco’.

“…he’s the dog that caught the firetruck–he’s never studied foreign policy, military affairs, and now he has to actually make decsions, and I suspect President Obama doesn’t know what to do…”

Oops.