The Gospel of Bad News

Most Americans know a little about the big acts of the Christian right wing culture war like James Dobson and  D. James Kennedy (now doing his act as a zombie), but, unless you’re a (usually Southern) mega-churchgoer, you may not be familiar with the latest generation of traveling right wing fundagelical up-and-comers working these jamesdobson-bwcloistered mini-towns like 80’s hair bands on the casino circuit — complete with CDs and souvenir tee shirts.

While normal people generally got sick of the  paranoid ignorance that propelled Cold War era preachers like Billy James Hargis to McCarthyite riches and infamy, the obedient fundamentalists had too few sin free pleasures to give up indulging their hysterical fear of demons and their pathetic narcissism that God Himself took care to arrange that this American generation has a part to play in Earth’s final act.   Televangelist patriots like John Hagee and Jack Van Impe still feed the starving and suspicious minds of their marks flock with the same old One World conspiracy theories and urgent prophecies to sell their End Time rantings, but, where the anti-communists of the 50’s and 60’s beseeched faithful patriots to save America by fending off the catastrophic return of Jesus and the curse of World Government through the accomplishment of small idiotic goals like keeping the US off the metric system, the 21st century fundamentalists are ready to get this Doomsday show on the road.  Now they’re preaching large idiotic and inhuman ideas like war with Iran, Russia, and pretty much everyone east of Jerusalem

Some, like Perry Stone, openly equate  progressives to socialists (as if Big J had a problem with that) and condemn Muslim antipathy to Israeli Jews while preaching an anti-Islamic bigotry that denies any possibility there might be two sides to the story.

He may look like a washed up 70’s beatnik actor, but Stone claims to be both a doctor and a Bible scholar, relying on a handful of cherry-picked Old and New Testament verses to spread a message of fear, suspicion and American exceptionalism — tied by God to uncritical and unquestionable support for (militaristic, aggressive, right wing) Israel.   A lifelong 2nd (maybe 3rd) generation parasite preacher, there are more than a couple of passages  he never seems to get around to explaining.

But he doesn’t have to rely just on the Bible for God’s word — from time to time he has dreams and visions, giving him insights to Jesus’ desires beyond the reach of those less in touch with how Jesus thinks.

Don’t believe me? Read the quotes below and tell me, without the topical references, could you tell whether Jesus or Dr. Stoney said it?

~A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, which stripped him of his raiment, and wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead.~

The Obama administration said we should not “Jump to conclusions,” and that we must not “Judge others by this man’s beliefs.” Really? It was this type of radical thinking that blew up two embassies in Africa …

~And by chance there came down a certain priest that way: and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side.~

Now, the generals on the ground are saying we need more troops in Afghanistan to win the resurgence that is occurring. Each day it seems more troops are dying and the president waits, and waits, and refuses to act.

~And likewise a Levite, when he was at the place, came and looked on him, and passed by on the other side.~

The reason is that his liberal base wants us out of Afghanistan and Iraq and this may upset his voting block.

~But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was: and when he saw him, he had compassion on him,~

good_samaritan1Certainly we are neither at war with Muslims at large nor any religion, but to say that we will never be at war implies that Obama will be passive and submit to whatever comes his way in the name of Islam.

~And went to him, and bound up his wounds, pouring in oil and wine, and set him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn, and took care of him.~

While Iran builds a nuclear bomb, the administration sits back and says, “Let’s give them time to see what plays out.”

~And on the morrow when he departed, he took out two pence, and gave them to the host, and said unto him, Take care of him; and whatsoever thou spendest more, when I come again, I will repay thee.~

The whole episode reminds me of Former President Jimmy Carter, who sat by for 444 days while hostages were held in Iran, and allowed the interest rates to rise at 19%, and sent the economy in a tail spin …

~Which now of these three, thinkest thou, was neighbour unto him that fell among the thieves?~