National Review will tell you what you can or can’t wear because they blow goats

National Review asks a stupid question: whither the Burqa? That Muslim garment thingie that no right-winger knows absolutely anything about? Don’t we want to know?

The NR should definitely weigh in on this, because the, uh . . why, exactly? What are the wingnuts trying to do? Advise the U.S. to ban it? Suggest European nations outlaw it? Who again are the National Review? Why do they presume to lecture governments about clothing?

This is the sort of high-falutin’ assholery normal folks avoid. Sooooo, they asked the Istanbul-living Claire Berlinski to come up with an argument for their little scold-zine. This is what she wrote:

Ban the Burqa
August 2, 2010 4:00 A.M. | Claire Berlinski
‘To do so is an offense to liberty; not to do so is a greater one’

Great start. What the hell is that supposed to mean? I can’t think of a context in which this opening argument a.) makes sense and b.) isn’t butt-stupid. That’s a self-negating argument I used in high school to try to look deep.

I spoke to many women who described veiling themselves as an uncoerced act of faith . . Why had she decided to cover herself? I asked . . She began veiling to affirm her connection with the Ineffable. “Every time I look in the mirror,” she said, “I see a religious woman looking back. It reminds me that I’ve chosen to have a particular kind of relationship with God.”

Fine. It’s a legitimate expression of faith. It’s religious freedom.

. . But that was when I could still visit the neighborhood of Balat without being called a whore.

Look out, the worm turns. This is quite unexpected given the subject matter and the National Review. And if Claire has been accosted by Muslim assholes, well, that’s relevant. That changes the whole everything.

. . the burqa must be banned . .

If Europe does not stand up now against veiling — and the conception of women and their place in society that it represents — within a generation there will be many cities in Europe where no unveiled woman will walk comfortably or safely.

Finally we get to the brass tacks, and they’re recycled barbed wire. No woman in Barcelona, in Berlin, in Brussels will walk safely. Why? Well, the Muslims are gerbil-humping their way to a majority — there will soon be no way of stopping them from doing as they please. (It’s already pretty difficult, y’know?) If we don’t change them now we won’t be able to change them later. And you’ve seen what they’re like, The Dirty Bearded Horde. All the free women will become hounded foreigners, getting Qurans hucked at their Toyotas while just driving down to the Frogurt Ka-Boom! on the corner.

Unless it is stopped, the natural tendency of this practice is to spread, for veiling is a political symbol as well as a religious one, and that symbol is of a dynamic, totalitarian ideology that has set its sights on Europe and will not be content until every woman on the planet is humbled, submissive, silent, and enslaved.

The Soviets! The Yellow Horde! Jew Bankers!

frogurt is tha bomb!

It is probably best that the burqa be banned immediately on “security” grounds, even if we all know deep down that the case is spurious; for such a ban to make perfect sense, it would have to extend to all loose clothing, suitcases, capacious handbags, beer bellies, and shoes.

Well, then, we should do it, except for the last part. That stuff would affect Claire, which would be silly. Claire is harmless, after all.

Yet in some cases, hypocrisy is the least awful of options; bans thus justified may be the best way of expressing a society’s entirely legitimate revulsion without setting a dangerous precedent of legislating against a targeted religious group.

A virtual ban? That’s a new one. If you enforce a law that targets a religious group, but you admit you’re being hypocritical, then it doesn’t count. Except, y’know, legally, with the police and the penalties and the jail stuff. And now nobody can ever enact such an un-American thing again, even though we’ve now agreed that our principles belong in our pockets, and where the hell did I put my pants? That’s how a truly just society operates: by pretending to know better.

Claire Berlinski is a goat-blowing farm girl, but that’s not a particularly proper thing to say, and I’m not the type of guy to say it.