It’s been days since I poked fun at Christine O’Donnell and her diddle-free candidacy. Let’s check in with her, shall we? Yes, let’s.

Hmm . . what’s this? One of the most unintentionally hilarious political ads in American history? Why, yes it is.

Why do I say that? Let’s start with the opening line:

–“Kids, don’t touch yourself down there. Yuck!” Kidding!
–“When you ooze, you lose.” Joking!
–“You can pretend you’re only sneezing, but Jesus knows better.” Just joshing!

Okay, here: “I’m not a witch.” Seriously? Seriously. Get a load of the one and only time any American political candidate will open a campaign ad with that line, now and for millennia to come:

Incidentally, good idea dressing black-eyed Christine in black and putting her on a black background. The moment you click on the clip, as her luminous alabaster face bobs gravity-free in an ether of midnight, I don’t imagine too few people think “Who’s the spirit goblin?” Or “Where is my pumpkin gun?”

And . . “I’m you”? What genius came up with that? There’s not a soul alive that’s remotely like the supernaturally bizarre, deadbeat, dumb, unemployed, witchery dabbling, Krishna sampling, overly chaste and litigious Tea Party Mother Mary mannequin. See here and here and here and here and here and here and here and here. Whew.

And ‘you’ is who? For the record?
–The occult: “I’m not a witch.” Check.
–Masturbation: “You’re just gonna create somebody who is, I was gonna say, toying with his sexuality.” Call me Hasbro.