Isn’t she cuuuuuuute?
Don’t you just wanna hug and squeeze her? Don’t you wanna dress her in cotton blankets and a pointy white hat?
No? Whaddya mean — no? Terri Lynn Weaver certainly thinks Terri Lynn is adorable. Even now, years after that photo, Terri Lynn Weaver would hug herself right into the next century. But before you do that, Terri Lynn, and deprive us of the privilege of someday meeting a singing carebear, favor us with a tune.
I imagine, if you’re like the Republicans that elected her to the Tennessee state house, you thought that was pretty awesome. If you’re instead like me, you bolted out of your chair, turned off the lights and cowered under the coffee table. That was terrifying. I rocked on my side for about 10 minutes while my bug-eyes scouted for shadows and my ears listened to the movement of magma under the apartment. Didn’t know what was about to happen, but I knew it was juggernautical evil.
Now back at the keyboard. But before I post another of her snuff films, you probably should see this:
Aren’t they both cuuuuute? That’s a photo she pasted on her Facebook page. Terri Lynn with her pastor(?!). “Aunt Jemima, you is so sweet” she tagged it. Precious. Didn’t I tell you?
Oops — somebody took offense to the cuteness. Terri Lynn, pray tell us you have something wonderful to say. Something that will make this all better.
“I’m the least racist of anyone. Some of my greatest friends are black.”
You probably should have only one friend who’s the ‘greatest,’ but whatever. That will do.
Bonus! TERRI LYNN SENDS YOU CHRISTMAS GREETINGS:
Off to fill up the bathtub. That’s a safe place for my PC once the clip starts.