Mike Huckabee tells of the time Reagan saved America from Black disco people

This TPM post caught my eye:

Mike Huckabee Fixes American History (VIDEO)
Evan McMorris-Santoro | May 11, 2011

Don’t worry, American youth: Mike Huckabee has fixed American history. No longer will you suffer under what Huckabee calls “the ‘blame America first’ attitude prevalent in today’s teaching.”

Late Wednesday, Huckabee announced LearnOurHistory.com, a sort of BMG Music Club for what he calls “unbiased” historical lessons for kids. For around $15 each, the company will send you a new animated tale of American history each month, told through the eyes of a gang of time traveling kids.

The initial Learn Our History lesson recalls the “Reagan Revolution” (full clip here). Oddly, it does not instruct the kids about a mannequin-president obviously slipping into Alzheimer’s oblivion, unable to command even the most prominent facts and features of modern America or his hopelessly corrupted administration.

Instead, the cartoon lectures the children about the hopelessness of Democratic presidencies. There the kids go, back to a time when Jimmy Carter malaised the nation. Back to a time when thieving Kenyans roamed the cityscape, listening to Lipps Inc. Back when they mugged time travelers to score tickets to the Rose Royce butt-wagger at the Odeon Stalinplex.

That thug’s voice sounds oddly like a White person’s. A lot like a White Republican impersonating a Black Person, as far as Republicans know. But I remember well the Negro of the nineteen seventies and his disco culture. Songs like “Doing The Five To Ten,” and “Shake That Newborn, Baby!,” “Business District Inferno,” and “Who’s That Parolee?”.

Whatever the case, the animated lesson certainly reminds you of just how bad things were. There was little regard for good government. There was little regard for forthright politics, for honest discourse, even for simple facts and figures.

Those were the Reagan years. It was a time when the president, unwilling to fight his polluter buddies, once lectured Americans that “Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do.” That was not true. Even if it were, you can bet not one ficus would have been outfitted with a catalytic converter, so there wasn’t even a practical point in saying it. He said of Michael Dukakis:

“You know, if I listened to him long enough, I would be convinced that we’re in an economic downturn, and that people are homeless, and people are going without food and medical attention, and that we’ve got to do something about the unemployed.”

You get the drift. A fantasy world gratefully fogged Ronald Reagan, thus he did not believe your truths. He believed his own. He did as he pleased, regardless. The AIDS epidemic exploded, and Ronnie neither acknowledged it nor lifted a finger to stop it. He was uncomfortable with the gays, so thousands upon thousands died from research delays.

He wanted overseas American hostages returned, but never bothered to figure out how to get that done. So he just sold missiles to the terrorist captors. When caught, he denied he did it. After articles and exposes and reports and a commission, and months and months of bullshitting, long after the evidence proved he’d been lying, he bizarrely and finally took the blame:

“A few months ago I told the American people I did not trade arms for hostages. My heart and my best intentions still tell me that’s true, but the facts and the evidence tell me it is not.”

That’s the best our gee-whiz president could do. I didn’t do it, but I guess I did it. Reality was always the unwelcome guest in the presidency of Ronald Reagan.

Which brings me to this, the animation’s perhaps triumphant bit, the Jupiter of iconic moments in the Pantheon of Reaganism. There the president looms in West Berlin. “Mister Gorbachev — tear down this wall.”

Let’s ignore Reagan’s frighteningly large mocha jack o’ lantern visage and inky pompadour. Instead, let’s offer to agree, to think the animation is iconic of Ronnie as well. It’s indicative of Mike Huckabee’s apparent need to focus the past and make it perfectly accurate, too.

Yes, there the Gipper stands astride history at Brandenburg Gate. But who’s history? What kind of history?

Tell me, folks — where are the attendees? Where went the flags and that memorable fence with the window? Where did Chancellor Helmut Kohl go?

Hell, Mike — where is the fricking Berlin Wall? There was some point in having it nearby.

And what post-modern city is Ronnie in, incidentally? With all the buildings across the background? With the skyscraper and its lightning rod over his shoulder?

It ain’t Berlin in 1987, that’s for sure. It’s not any Berlin, ever. So it’s Reagan’s Berlin, isn’t it?

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