WSJ’s James Taranto: fanboy of the square down-low

Caught this Weiner commentary on the Wall Street Journal’s online Opinion section. This comes from ‘witty’ James Taranto’s column.

It’s good to keep things simple, isn’t it? Let’s not complicate complicated things.

Can Heterosexuality Be Cured?
“Congressman Weiner departed this morning to seek professional treatment.”
James Taranto | June 13 2011

Unlike homosexuality, heterosexuality is amenable to therapeutic remedies–or so Anthony Weiner and his fellow House Democrats would like us to believe. “Congressman Weiner departed this morning to seek professional treatment to focus on becoming a better husband and healthier person,” Weiner flack Risa Heller told the New York Times Saturday.

That’s the opening, and the closing. I’m surprised to see Taranto’s words before us while his tongue’s glued to his cheek. Let’s agree: it’s his hidden charm.

If you can’t ‘cure’ homosexuality, how can you ‘cure’ heterosexuality? My. Game over, fans. Drive safely, see you at Tuesday night softball.

Of course, the ‘cure’ for homosexuality, they believe, is its death. Credit to Taranto for re-spotlighting the Conservative appreciation for health and care. Meanwhile, the ‘cure’ for heterosexuality is what?

But the idea that Weiner has a medical problem is ludicrous. Indisputably, his behavior was sleazy and foolish. It turned out to be self-destructive too, but only because it was publicly exposed. Had he been more technically savvy, it’s quite possible that he could have covered his tracks and never put his career in jeopardy.

The cure is stealth. I see: Weiner’s fine. This sort of behavior is typical, straight-person stuff. For example: Sen. David Vitter and his chronically dressing up in diapers and nailing hookers (and I imagine I’m charitable with ‘nailing’). Though these behaviors destroy lives, make people miserable, they’re normal. We are the people who crawl under rocks so that we may mate. This is vigorous, red-blooded Americanism — huzzah, Weiner!

To explain what motivated his actions, it is sufficient to observe that he seems to have a healthy male libido–indeed, perhaps a bit too healthy.

Yes, too healthy. Like Rush Limbaugh’s physique demonstrates his healthy appetite for food. Newt Gingrich maintains a healthy appetite for divorce. George W. Bush’s healthy appetite for the slaughter of women and children was legendary. Ravenous.