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Ron Paul sports fake eyebrows

Oct 14, 2011
2012 campaign, aw dude, controversy, yikes

I’m not a conspiracy guy, I’m not out to get Ron Paul. I might not care for his politics, but he’s likely the most benign monster lurking in the Republican closet. So I’m less motivated to attack him than probably 50 other right-wing assholes.

But, as for controversies, I’m in on this one: Ron Paul wears eyebrow toupees. Really. He carries an unhealthy narcissism relative to his supra-orbital hair, and attends to it by pasting ‘brow falsies.

What? Where the hell did this ‘news’ come from? From a handful of people who noticed a strange thing about the 75 year-old in Tuesday night’s Dartmouth debate. It took a couple of days, but somebody dug up the quizzical pic. The image is running wild across the internet:

That is . . uh . . hmm. It looks to be a brow wig. With a normal human brow loitering in its proper place, underneath. I had no idea such toupees had cause to exist, but apparently they do (vanity, thy name is Pete Gallagher). Hard to explain that image absent photoshopping or some hirsute lens flare. Credit Paul’s intrepid staff, they did try:

Jesse Benton, a campaign spokesman, insisted that Mr. Paul had been the victim of the elements, namely a heavy pollen season in New Hampshire, and called accusations that he’d been artificially enhancing “stupid” and “insulting.”

“Dr. Paul’s allergies acted up a touch,” Mr. Benton said . .

Yes, when you get allergies, your eyelashes crawl in your ears. Sure.

Anyway, I thought it all preposterous. He has weird eyebrows — who cares? I went on to the ‘image’ Google, and I looked and I checked. And nothing jumped out. Yeah, it was odd that his eyebrows got darker with age. It was strange that his eye hair progressed to perfectly monochrome and linear over the decades. But what do I know of these things? Andy Rooney’s eyebrows were a riot. A white riot, but they’re a fungible, mystifying chaos.

And then I came across this pic from a February 2010 article in the New Mexico Independent. Now, I’m convinced:

I’m amazed by this. Eyebrows, of all things.

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  1. nycgrlupstate  •  Oct 14, 2011 @8:06 am
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    I am not a conspiracy gal but, in fact, I am out to get Ron Paul as his eyebrows might be the most genuine things about him. People think he is more of a joke than a threat because he has a slightly smaller chance of winning the White House than I do but here is what is important about him:

    1) For a guy who can’t really win an election he has been taking up a seat in the Senate for around 30 years, voting no on virtually everything because he is “against government.” Way to collect a fat (government) paycheck for doing the people’s business without actually doing any work.

    2) Most important, some of us have been watching Paul for some time and are aware that the avuncular Libertarian thing is an act, albeit a successful one. He pulls in lots of pigeons, I mean followers who can’t see past “End the Wars” and “Legalize Drugs. Many of these political morons, I mean Americans who are entitled to their own point of view, spend all their time working to split the Left on behalf of their Libertarian Saviour and get very nasty when you attempt to point out that doing that directly aids the extreme Right.

    3)It is now WELL documented that Paul is a serious career racist and has been since well before he began his career in the Senate. His writings and associations over this time come from his deep involvement with the worst of the worst. Basically, white supremacists and neo-Nazis. If you really want to see his most solid and consistent fan base check out the threads about him on Stormfront and vdare.com. Oh also, he is down with the John Birch Society. Takes money from, does photo-ops with, speaks at functions, etc, of all of the above. BTW he hates women, LGBT people and poor people as much as he does people of color but if I get into all of that now I’ll be in “new post” territory instead of “comments” territory. His writings and speeches were much more overtly racist in the past, he is much more stealth now, but sadly for him, his past garbage has been preserved and is being re-distributed.

    4) Even if none of the above were true, he is partially responsible for the existence of RAND PAUL. I rest my case.

    As far as the eyebrow thing it is also possible that Dr. Paul has health issues that contribute to their disappearance but if I knew anything about that HIPPA laws and patient confidentiality would prevent me from revealing it at this time. All I can say is Ron Paul is a very very bad man, despite any appearances to the contrary. American politics is very much about appearances but in Ron Paul’s case, a little peri-ocular merkin situation might be the best thing about him.

    Cheers!