I’m not a conspiracy guy, I’m not out to get Ron Paul. I might not care for his politics, but he’s likely the most benign monster lurking in the Republican closet. So I’m less motivated to attack him than probably 50 other right-wing assholes.
But, as for controversies, I’m in on this one: Ron Paul wears eyebrow toupees. Really. He carries an unhealthy narcissism relative to his supra-orbital hair, and attends to it by pasting ‘brow falsies.
What? Where the hell did this ‘news’ come from? From a handful of people who noticed a strange thing about the 75 year-old in Tuesday night’s Dartmouth debate. It took a couple of days, but somebody dug up the quizzical pic. The image is running wild across the internet:
That is . . uh . . hmm. It looks to be a brow wig. With a normal human brow loitering in its proper place, underneath. I had no idea such toupees had cause to exist, but apparently they do (vanity, thy name is Pete Gallagher). Hard to explain that image absent photoshopping or some hirsute lens flare. Credit Paul’s intrepid staff, they did try:
Jesse Benton, a campaign spokesman, insisted that Mr. Paul had been the victim of the elements, namely a heavy pollen season in New Hampshire, and called accusations that he’d been artificially enhancing “stupid” and “insulting.”
“Dr. Paul’s allergies acted up a touch,” Mr. Benton said . .
Yes, when you get allergies, your eyelashes crawl in your ears. Sure.
Anyway, I thought it all preposterous. He has weird eyebrows — who cares? I went on to the ‘image’ Google, and I looked and I checked. And nothing jumped out. Yeah, it was odd that his eyebrows got darker with age. It was strange that his eye hair progressed to perfectly monochrome and linear over the decades. But what do I know of these things? Andy Rooney’s eyebrows were a riot. A white riot, but they’re a fungible, mystifying chaos.
And then I came across this pic from a February 2010 article in the New Mexico Independent. Now, I’m convinced:
I’m amazed by this. Eyebrows, of all things.