International cracker ring infiltrates the Obama Cartel

Sporting the latest Kellogg’s decoder rings and continental old ballcaps, the Mark Fuhrmans of the worldwide whack keep an eye on the Obama campaign. Pajamas Media provides the morning coffee, beehive hairdos and a friendly ‘hey fellas’ before they start in on breakfast table recon and counter-jihad.

Most days, they don’t manage to capture or kill the President. But yesterday looked to be different. It held enormous promise because they planned to berserk his internet website. Specifically, they aimed to drive Obambi’s servers raving mad by donating to his campaign. If this sounded like a strange strategy, then it was.

Nonetheless, that’s how the rebels got the President on the run. While handling donations for the incumbent, by way of torture or mind-control techniques, a weak slice computer admitted to one agent that he didn’t need his three-digit thingie to use a credit card. The counterintel crackers wangled that this number was called “AVS,” or the Address Verification System.

What is it? What does it do? Don’t ask them, they haven’t a clue. But without it, anything could happen. The nefarious one probably disabled AVS so that Al Qaeda could fund your suicide. Also, so that you could enter “I. P. N. Urlatte” on the donation page. Either way, this is not a story: the Address Verification System only verifies addresses. What a pity. And how could they have known?

Nonetheless: look. Operative Yee Yee HiGH! managed to take out Obama’s South Strategic Operations by donating as “Adolph Hitler.” Who the hell is that? No one knows. Though, if I ever played ‘History’ correctly, it was Adolf, with the Evil, across the World and Elsewhere. For all his subtle faults, he knew his own name.

Guerrilla Kee-Yong DrOOLING! disabled the Obama Command and Control Center by donating as “Zeituni Onyango.” Who? Quote: “You know who that is, that’s Obama’s illegal aunt.” She lives at “887 Public Teet Rd.” Hey, what’s wrong with “tit”? Very easy, no fourth letter in sight. This money has got to be taking a toll on the enemy.

Foward Agent CHI CHI CHI CHI! looks to finish the thing. Will the Obama campaign take a donation from “Nidal Hasan?” Who lists his employer as “Allah the Merciful”? Allah! Or what, is that rich? CHI/Nidal presses enter and . . it’s over! The President’s been destroyed. He’s taken the operation’s money just too many times. Greetings President Santorum and see you back in America, soon to be heaven-on-Earth . .

“The Obama campaign has chosen to disable the standard credit card verification system that’s used almost universally, worldwide. This invites the opportunity for massive fraud, and for going outside standard campaign finance laws. So, why would they do it?”

Being a fraud would entail obtaining something through deceit. Say, for instance, buying a Ferrari by impersonating Prince Al-Waleed bin Talal. If you just hand someone your money, you’re being either generous or stupid.