Thank you, your honor. The defense will show that conservatism is not legally responsible for the awful shit it’s done to us because it’s forever insane.
Exhibit one: Bryan Fischer. Two weeks ago, the spokesman for the American Family Association attacked candidate Mitt Romney for hiring a homosexual, Rick Grenell.
“As I explained in a much-discussed Tweet over the weekend, the message Gov. Romney appears to be sending to the pro-family community through his Grenell appointment is ‘drop dead.’ . .
“This appointment certainly revives the oft-stated concerns about Gov. Romney from both the right and the left that he has no moral core, and is, as one left-wing columnist said, ‘a hollow man.’”
Fischer called Romney spineless. So the candidate fired the homosexual. On Tuesday, Bryan trumpeted this as a “huge win.” Exhibit two:
“Mitt Romney has been forced to say, ‘Look, I overstepped my bounds here. I went outside the parameters here. I went off the reservation with this hire. The pro-family community has called me back to the table here. Called me back inside the borders of the reservation.’”
Romney was now on the right track. He was a man of principle. “I think it improves his chances that evangelicals will support him,” Fischer said. Yesterday, Fischer reflected again on the decision. Exhibit three, the video, please:
“. . if Mitt Romney can be pushed around, intimidated, coerced, co-opted by a conservative radio talk show host in Middle America, then how is he going to stand up to the Chinese? How is he going to stand up to Putin? How is he going to stand up to North Korea if he can be pushed around by a yokel like me? I don’t think Romney is realizing the doubts that this begins to raise about his leadership.”
After Romney did what Bryan Fischer told him to do, Fischer concluded he was spineless. These people are crazier than Old Yeller, your honor. The defense rests.