Been working too hard for normal blogging, my apologies. Just came across this though: “Own It Like a (Rich) Man!” Melissa O’Sullivan at National Review gets plenty excited over what promises to be a brilliant election strategy. Mitt Romney should embrace his outer spoiled brat:
Remember Casper the Friendly Ghost? Wendy the Good Witch? Richie Rich? They were types we weren’t supposed to like — ghost, witch, rich boy . .
Batman. Part bat, and gay in the bad way. Also Inspector Gadget was mostly prosthetics, and that can’t be any fun.
. . yet we loved these characters because they possessed all the great bennies belonging to each archetype: special powers of ﬂight or materialization, and the ability to walk through walls, in the case of Casper and Wendy; the ability to have the greatest toys . .
Mitt has that ability! The very best toys. Like a mountain of cash, which is great fun.
Rather than being painted as Richie Rich’s bully-boy nemesis — Reginald Van Dough Jr., Rich’s nasty cousin — Romney could easily be the hero. Call him Moneyed Mitt. And he can do it in three easy steps . .
. . so Melissa lists all six of the three easy steps. Sshhh, she’s rolling:
1. Remember the story about Romney putting all the resources of his organization to work to rescue the abducted daughter of an employee?
Talk about all the people you help by using your toys. This will fail. Next:
2. The mansion under construction in La Jolla? If y’all don’t have a videographer out there right now interviewing the myriad construction workers . .
Talk about all the people that make money by selling you your toys. The mansion maker, the guy who re-noberates car elevators. Better.
3. Stand in front of that fab school with the “manicured ﬁelds” and say how fortunate you were that your dad, who never even graduated from college, sent you to such a wonderful school.
“Here I am, standing in front of Capital Bully Prep. Ah, the good old days. Back then, the students were the only things I owned. Still, the hard knocks were worth every penny. Sincerely Dad, thanks.” [. . fade out: Mitt taping his butler to the flag pole.]
4. Comedian Jon Lovitz recently challenged the myth that the 1 percenters don’t pay their fair share of taxes. Do a road show with him.
“Say, Mitt — what did you do last night?”
“‘Glad you asked, Jon. I sat next to a construction site and watched bulldozers raze a working steel factory. I lit a thousand Cuban cigars with hundred dollar bills and chucked them all into the pit. I spread my wife, Morgan Fairchild, out across a blanket of 100% Indonesian rhino skin and made very brief-sweet love to her. Then I slapped her fat ass, like this.” *smack*
“OW.” [applause from Tampa]
5. Discuss how wealth is created, touting Zuckerberg’s rise.
“Hello America. Some people construct vital and vibrant companies from scratch using only their brilliance, foresight and creativity. These people make a country great. Other people tear down what others create. May I introduce myself?”
6. Talk about your dad: born into a family of modest means . . he rose to become the head of American Motors Company, where he turned the business around by focusing on a compact, fuel-efﬁcient car (remember the Rambler?) . .
“Hello, vote for me, Mitt Romney. I’m a poor imitation of the man who gave you the AMC Rambler.” This will work.