In figuring where to put our hard-earned money down, we should probably watch the behavior of the potential GOP Veeps. Any proudly and publicly shameless attempt to service The Candidate Who Wasn’t There, on anyone’s part, could go a long way in an utterly pathetic contest. Brazen whore-like efforts to catch Project Romney’s attention could be handsomely rewarded, by none so gratefully as a potential president known for his risk aversion, to the point of cowardice. The question is: who is this man? Who is made of The Right Putty?

RICHARD STENGEL: But you would — just to be straight about it — but you would sanction a strike before you would tolerate a nuclear Iran?

MARCO RUBIO: Yes, and I think that we need to begin to prepare people for that. See, I think that the — not just the people of the country, but the people of the world appreciate when their leaders walk them through this process and explain this is what we’re working on, and more importantly, these are the stakes of a nuclear Iran.

And by “Nuclear Iran” (disambiguation: rhetoric, Pam Geller rape fantasy, Air Force Academy officer’s club…), he means the stakes of a presidential campaign. Bravo for the 41 year-old who still hasn’t figured out how his family made the 90 miles from Cuba to America, now a master of the game they call ‘quasi-nuclear power destruction.’ Marco’s opening: All out war. Yoo-hoo, Mittens. Nodding continuously, gravely there, and fapping furiously, the Bolton coven. Heads-up for an apocalypse. This, Senator, counts for vice presidential material.

I recall, back in 2006, the Army expanded their service window to 42 years of age, and I suddenly became eligible to die in Baghdad. If Vice President Marco gets his way, he too will be immediately eligible to die, but in Tehran.