Washington Post reporter Manuel Roig-Franzia profiles our next vice president in his new book, The Rise of Marco Rubio. We learn memorable things of the Florida Senator. He’s an excitable guy, for example.

He once watched a political ad, this one above, and he went crazy. The wife’s and kids’ faces got painted fake Scottish Mel Gibson. He dressed up like fake Roman Russell Crowe and cut everybody down. He plowed the fields and he dreamed of his horse and a bit of his wife.

“. . I just ran this on my computer and three things happened. 1. I got chills. 2. My wife and children painted themselves up in blue face like Braveheart. 3. I went to the closet and got out my costume from Gladiator and I could hear the crowd chant: ‘Maximus! Maximus!’ . . “

Cadaverous! Pesterous! Killer spot. Don’t scoff, it hurts, and Marco actually owned himself an Excalibur. His pals gave it to him. This is what they all called it: Chinkee Name.

“. . Governor Jeb Bush, who took to the lectern . . said, ‘I can’t think back on a time when I’ve ever been prouder to be a Republican, Marco.’ The sword belonged to ‘a great conservative warrior,’ Bush told the audience to peals of laughter. The ‘mystical warrior’ was named ‘Chang.’ ‘Chang is somebody who believes in conservative principles, believes in entrepreneurial capitalism, believes in moral values that underpin a free society …I rely on Chang with great regularity in my public life. …But Chang, this mystical warrior, has never let me down.’”

A katana (yeah, I know), in the right hands, is perfectly capable of knocking a governor’s nuts off. And nad-smiting power should always be treated with reverence. Or, as the Jeb-Samurai say, with Wang Dong:

“…The Sword itself was nothing special, an inexpensive object bought off the Internet by aides in Bush’s office. But it would hang in a place of honor in Rubio’s office, a symbol of his deep bond with a son and brother of presidents.”

Chang, the worthless token. Rubio, the running mate. Wang Dong everyone.