Here comes genius. Deep bows, people.
Bryce Harper is a conservative hero.
Look. It’s the Daily Caller, home of the punch-worthy asshole. Baseball everybody, let’s go there. Didja hear? Teen ballplayers are Abraham Lincoln. Honestly.
The star rookie for the Washington Nationals has woken up Major League Baseball, and watching it unfold has reminded me of nothing so much as the collapse of the old political paradigms and the inevitable and upcoming rebirth of conservatism in November.
Somebody pitched The Kid some ancient ways, and he swatted them into the river. So now here come the cavemen full of American vigor and renaissance, hurrah. Lord knows we’ve never seen them before. The rich getting richer, the kids going off to IRA_, the cardboard president being greatly despised, these would debut to a gobsmacked America. As some say, this is how the waking unfolds. Who knew it was possible? Put down the phone book, you can’t cheat.
The ball was hit to Braves right fielder Jason Heyward. Heyward strolled up to the ball as if he were walking to the corner for a paper.
Harper promptly headed for second base. Heyward suddenly woke up and fired to second base, but too late.
More than one sports writer has noted that this moment was no small thing for baseball. It was like the part in the movie “Awakenings” when the guy who was asleep for 30 years wakes up.
But no matter how much Romney you administer, Robert DeNiro goes back to being a rutabaga. America! Roll credits.