Just how bad is the Romney campaign? It’s hard to say. How do you gauge a trail of warmwater puke? By distance or volume?

These campaigns all have their strengths and weaknesses. The remarkable thing about Romney’s is its 360-degree Achilles heel. The candidate is a terrible speaker, he’s unlikable in person, he doesn’t interest the base, he refuses to address any issue that voters are interested in, and he’s paranoid and secretive about himself. Throw in he’s richer than most porn barons and he gets his politics the same way the rest of us get cologne samples: from bogus magazines. And you, Republicans, have got yourself one stinking candidate.

You would think these alarming facts would rally the believers to his side. You’d think it would make the GOP faithful defend him with every bone in their bodies. Everybody all in, do or die, with fangs bared and instincts razor sharp-ed. Instead, something entirely different has happened. They’ve gone hapless, limp. They’re stupor-stricken. They’ve been Mittified.

“I think you hit a reset button for the fall campaign. Everything changes,” [Eric] Fehrnstrom responded. “It’s almost like an Etch A Sketch. You can kind of shake it up, and we start all over again.”

Eric really isn’t this stupid. He’s just that sick. He’s spent too much time up close and personal with the Typhoid Mary of Manageitis. The candidate is a continental weather front of business entity. A middle-of-the-menu marathon of oatmeal and 1% milk. A Beacon of Industry (god rest his soul). And Eric is now desperately ill. Ask that sparkplug Dilbert, he knows of what I speak.

[Chuck] TODD: He agrees with the president that it is not [a tax], and he believes that you shouldn’t call the tax penalty a tax, you should call it a penalty or a fee or a fine?

FEHRNSTROM: That’s correct.

Brains. Romney politely went everywhere the next day to label the ACA mandate a ‘tax.’ This electrified the campaign in the only way a talking mackerel can. You really should tell your guy what you want, Mitt, before you throw him out there. Do you know what you want? Do fish have feelings?

“There may have been a thought at the time that [Romney] could be part-time. It was not part-time. The Olympics was in a shambles,” [Ed] Gillespie told Candy Crowley on CNN’s “State of the Union.”

“He took a leave of absence and in fact, Candy, ended up not going back at all and retired retroactively to February 1999 as a result,” Gillespie said.

Ed said this more than once. So it’s spreading. Either the CEO can’t manage his people, or he’s contagious. If you’re keeping them around to harvest their suitable organs, Mitt, forget it. It’s too late.

Asked why he chose not to go with Romney, McCain said: “Oh come on, because we thought that Sarah Palin was the better candidate. Why did we not take Pawlenty, why did we not take any of the other 10 other people. Why didn’t I? Because we had a better candidate, the same way with all the others. … Come on, why? That’s a stupid question.”

Even McCain? Good lord. Well he’s pretty old, and I don’t figure his immune system for much by now. Btw, if a major Republican personality had paid McCain this same compliment in 2008, John would have popped up on the bastard’s doorstep and beat him into a hamburger patty. Mitt will have Eric call and relay the campaign’s thanks.