You want to be president?

–Yup.

That’s nice. At some point, Chester, you have to pick a running mate.

–Okay!

And who will that be?

–I’d like someone made of German chocolate ice cream.

No you can’t have that. Try again.

–I want a big booby sex naked lady.

No you can’t have that either.

–I want someone who’d give me a million dollars.

No problem! Introducing Serious Paul Ryan:

Under Paul Ryan’s plan, Mitt Romney wouldn’t pay any taxes for the next ten years — or any of the years after that. Now, do I know that that’s true. Yes, I’m certain.

Well, maybe not quite nothing. In 2010 — the only year we have seen a full return from him — Romney would have paid an effective tax rate of around 0.82 percent under the Ryan plan, rather than the 13.9 percent he actually did. How would someone with more than $21 million in taxable income pay so little? Well, the vast majority of Romney’s income came from capital gains, interest, and dividends.

So we look at Serious Paul Ryan’s Serious Tax Plan:

There are no taxes on interest, capital gains, and dividends. So now Mitt Romney wouldn’t have to pay any income taxes at all. He wouldn’t even have to hide his tax returns. Because there wouldn’t be any! Poor guy. This is how you turn America into something like Disneyland, if only for serious people.