The campaign comedoise, she is a beetch. The — how you say, rancid clusterfuck? — it makes zee laughs. Oh ho.
Writing for Politico, Roger Simon, himself a respectable Bozo, has thoroughly beclowned the Republican ticket. According to Roger, Paul Lyin’ Ryan is running around his campaign referring to Mitt Romney as “Stench.” As in “You’re a loser, pal.” As in “Who cut the historic cheese? Oh yeah you did Willard.” As in “I am so smart, S-M-R-T . .” because nobody would likely be interested in reporting about the VP candidate of 45 days being thoroughly done with the Romney hayride.
Though Ryan had already decided to distance himself from the floundering Romney campaign, he now feels totally uninhibited. Reportedly, he has been marching around his campaign bus, saying things like, “If Stench calls, take a message” and “Tell Stench I’m having finger sandwiches with Peggy Noonan and will text him later.”
Tell Stench to clean his hair out of the sink. Tell Stench to gas up the presidency, I’m taking it out this weekend. Tell Stench I saw the dog eating his future and now the vomit’s on his side of the campaign.
If you’re interested: Stench, and his people — the We Dealt Its? The Phews? The Renuzits? — don’t seem too impressed with Li’l Paulie theirselves. They’ve got a nickname of their own.
Dan Senor, one of Romney’s closest advisers, has kept a tight grip on Ryan, traveling with him everywhere and making sure he hews to the directions of the Romney “brain trust” in Boston. (A brain trust, rumor has it, that refers to Ryan as “Gilligan.”)
In the end, it was the Republicans who reduced their Serious People campaign down to Skunk The Skipper and Gilligan. Nice going everyone, good luck getting off the island. Then somebody got on the coconut and let Roger Simon know and now everybody’s reading it this morning. That was a good idea too. How did this happen?
. . on Saturday, the day after he was booed, Ryan broke free. Appearing at a town hall meeting at the University of Central Florida in Orlando, Ryan showed the glitz, the glamour, the razzle-dazzle that he was supposed to bring to the campaign in the first place.
Guests of Caesar’s Palace, a scheduling note. Substituting for tonight’s production of “Elton John’s Million Dollar Piano.” Please give a warm welcome for “Gilligan’s 50 Dollar PowerPoint Presentation.”
He did a PowerPoint presentation for the crowd. According to the National Journal, be began thusly: “ ‘I’m kind of a PowerPoint guy, so I hope you’ll bear with me,’ Ryan told the audience as he began clicking . .
Ryan’s PowerPoint slides were officially labeled: “Our Unsustainable Debt (U.S. Debt Held by Public as a Share of Economy),” “Your Share of the Debt,” “Who Funds Our Reckless Spending?” and “How the Government Spends Your Money.”
The Romney campaign was furious.
At being blown off the stage we presume.
But Ryan reportedly said, “Let Ryan be Ryan and let the Stench be the Stench.”
Because things used to be so totally different but no not ever again.