Sally Quinn put a spell on you

This blog has avoided writing about Sally Quinn for good reason. Moth-brained debutantes, even as they gratifyingly shrivel in old age, are not interesting. But there is stupid, and then there is this-is-entertaining stupid. Beyond that, there is I-saw-a-man-light-his-own-fart-afire stupid. And then, only after that, really far past that, in a territory where the natives fashion bongos for hats and eat the driest of common dirt, we find Sally Quinn.

“What we really believed in and practiced was voodoo, psychic phenomenon, Scottish mysticism, palm reading, astrology, seances, and ghosts. And I have many, many stories about those, real stories. And that — those things were my true religion, aside from dancing.”

Aside from grooving it to Pat Boone, Sally practiced palm reading and ghosts. This would be a Washington Post columnist. And whose beat is religion. Here the sophisticated scribe pronounces on Wednesday’s candidate debate: “Part of claiming your citizenship is claiming a belief in God, even if you are not Christian.” Thank you so much for informing me that I’m not American. Sally shook her dumb ass to Fabian, ran a few seances, and now she needs to lecture our President. Really. “If Obama wants to win the next debate, he needs to wear God, as much as it offends him to do so . . ” Talk about gypsy balls.

“Aunt Ruth was psychic, my aunt Maggie was psychic, and I’m psychic. So we actually put hexes on people and they really worked.”

When you’re psychic, you can also hex people. Really. Go and ask the Scooby Doo gang, that’s how these things work.

“It was actually really scary and I finally stopped when my brother, who has a PhD. in religion from the University of Chicago and is a theosophist and also a practicing Buddhist, told me I had to cut it out because it would come back at me three times. And you know, anything that I did later that was troublesome, I kept thinking ‘I brought this on myself. I should never have put a hex on her.'”

And just look, now Princess Di is dead. I don’t want to lecture any of you, but let’s just say it’s a bad idea to snub Sally Quinn at the summer’s end Fire And Ice cotillion. Don’t ever – ever – tell me that Beltway society is smart.