The last time I read the august opinions of Dilbert toon artist Scott Adams, I understood him to be a hectoring misogynist given to self-admiration. He was pretty much a twin of your local Lamborghini-renting B-movie producer any time over the last fifty years. Here was his advice to Us Men with regards to women:

You don’t argue with a four-year old about why he shouldn’t eat candy for dinner. You don’t punch a mentally handicapped guy even if he punches you first.

So he is a powerful but charitable sort. He once donned a sockpuppet to tell the internet he had a “certified genius I.Q., and that’s hard to hide.” He got caught, so he was right. Maybe he is a douche. But what a shame it would be not to know the personal particulars of the wide-ranging leviathan, Scott Adams.

Yesterday, Three Panel Godzilla himself wrote a sort of Rube Goldberg contraption. Then he posted it on the internet. It’s an ethical/political hypothetical so byzantine you’d likely get halfway through then call the Coast Guard to get you out. Buddha help you should you try to tackle Scott’s quandry without being blessed with, say, Bobby Fischer’s eyes.

Here it is below. But know this. My blog is a standard model, meaning you’ll be on your own. You won’t find a dictionary or GPS or fire extinguisher anywhere within your grasp. So good luck.

The next question is for supporters of President Obama. Let’s say your political views map closely to the President’s positions. He’s your guy. But suppose you found out he once killed an American citizen in the United States to help his reelection. And assume, as with the CEO example, that the facts of the killing are undisputed and the President found a legal means to avoid prosecution. In that hypothetical case, would you still vote for President Obama? Or would you say it is a firing offense for a President to kill a citizen to advance his career?

Put him in jail. Darn I jumped the gun, sshhh.

I predict that every one of you favored firing the hypothetical CEO for killing a guy to get ahead. My second prediction is that every Republican reader of this blog favored firing President Obama in the hypothetical and imaginary case of him murdering a citizen to get elected. My third prediction is that supporters of President Obama will quibble with the hypothetical example, or my comparison to the CEO, or say President Obama is still a better option than Romney. In other words, for most supporters of President Obama, I don’t think there is such a thing as a “firing offense.”

Prediction 1: You’re wrong. There are lunatics that think a guy like that, especially if he’s gotten away with homicide, is awesome. He gets the keys to Goldman Sachs, and they want a thousand shares. Prediction 2: You’re right. But that has nothing to do with the crime. They’d shoot the President if he so much as walked into town without the Secret Service. Prediction 3: You’re wrong. I can’t explain this one to you because you’re too damn intelligent.

For the record, President Obama did not technically kill anyone to get elected. That was just a hypothetical example. But he is putting an American citizen in jail for 10 years to life for operating medical marijuana dispensaries in California where it is legal under state law. And I assume the President – who has a well-documented history of extensive marijuana use in his youth – is clamping down on California dispensaries for political reasons, i.e. to get reelected. What other reason could there be?

Maybe he’s trying to fire up his base: abolitionists and World War II veterans. The President’s oath to protect the Constitution could be relevant as well. Anyway, Scott the fretted cartoon Zeus decides he must vote for Mitt Romney, as he is the answer. By all means: Let’s us first welcome Mitt to the White House. And let’s us then watch his DEA crank up the Fourth Amendment violations. I don’t know, really, would a Republican do that? Ramrod your doors to search for your stash? Scott is Einstein of the Funnies.