Politics all sexy like a rock n’ roll Indian

Makeup saleswoman and video actress Gwen Stefani, partnered again with the gang from No Doubt, does her darndest to popularize a song dumber than “Just a Girl”:

Do you think I’m looking hot?
Do you think this hits the spot?
How is this looking on me, looking on me?
Do you think I’m looking hot?
Do you think this hits the spot?
How is this looking on me, looking on me?

That’s not the video, of course. The clip has all but vaporized from the world because nobody anticipated dressing rock stars like American Indians, who actually exist, was less hot than it was insulting.

But can you blame the Orange County kids? Now in their forties, millionaires and purveyors of all manner of retail crap? They were only trying to make rock n’ roll fun. Make it easy on the ears. Easy on the brain. Cowboys and Indians, get it? What a sexy good time.

We turn now to Politico, to my mind the No Doubt of politics. Before them, what the powerful did or said was mysterious and arcane, like a Bob Dylan song. Those videos were no fun. Bob very rarely filmed himself dressed up like Roy Rogers so he could save the fashion model squaw, though he could have. Think of the career he threw away, the one where he sold Stetson hats and sandalwood cologne. What a dinosaur. Talk about your opportunity lost.

Anyway, the new media gurus have educated themselves a great deal in 2012. After 12 months of making Entertainment Tonight out of cable access Channel 9 Rubidoux, California, on the internet, plenty has been learned. Politico shares the lessons:

The 2012 election will be remembered by history for its smallness in a big, historic moment: The high drama of the first debate was a rare respite from months of petty rhetoric, egged on from start to finish by gobs of money from millionaires and billionaires.

Nothing learned of any use, however. The first debate should have been interesting to Politico for Romney’s near-psychotic lying. And for the electorate’s tragic response to it, which was positive. Instead it was tingling historic drama because Team Romney wins! Look at the polls go! This is an epic ballgame, we’re telling you!

If anyone were capable of reducing actual issues, like a dishonest candidate who holds America in complete contempt, to little more than “petty rhetoric,” it was Politico. The site has never once produced a word of political coverage that wasn’t instantly disposable. But now they need a word with you, good people, to tell you the way the 2012 election year failed them, and America, with its propensity for shallow and short-sighted politics. They demand better. You should too:

For those who hate long campaigns, get over it.

The combination of increased early voting and unlimited money in politics means longer campaigns and earlier attacks.

Well not that bit, that fact’s deep and sophisticated. Big Money now makes for politics 24/7/365 and you should grow up and get used to it. Politico will be there the whole way, of course. But here’s a good point:

In Missouri and Indiana, two states that once seemed like sure-bet wins for Republicans, the party could now lose both because two old, white, Christian men thought it was fine to weigh in on why a woman who was raped need not have the legal right to an abortion . .

Republican operatives tell POLITICO that after the election, top officials plan to enlist some of the influential outside groups representing conservative grass-roots activists to see if they can help pre-empt the future selection of unelectable conservatives. The hitch: A lot of those groups couldn’t care less what the Wise Men of Washington want.

In fact, it was the locals that forced the loons down the throats of, you guessed it, entrenched Washington. But now that Politico’s CIA agents have identified if not solved this problem — empower the locals! — the GOP will recover their sanity. Valuable lesson learned or maybe not, but we wrote it so you should read it like anything else. And for you Democrats:

If President Barack Obama wins, he will be the popular choice of Hispanics, African-Americans, single women and highly educated urban whites. That’s what the polling has consistently shown in the final days of the campaign. It looks more likely than not that he will lose independents, and it’s possible he will get a lower percentage of white voters than George W. Bush got of Hispanic voters in 2000.

A broad mandate this is not.

Don’t you get too puffed up about this election, liberals, especially if you win. All your colored guy did was appeal to “Hispanics, African-Americans, single women and highly educated urban whites.” Without normal people, you’re stuck with a chunk of America that represents everything but the homogenous Republican base. If there’s one thing we’ve learned, it’s that those people really count: The good-looking folks with an interest in politics as cultural fashion, particularly when it’s delivered in an easily digestible manner.


2 thoughts Politics all sexy like a rock n’ roll Indian

  1. avatar Grung_e_Gene says:

    Only old white men with property should vote because Freedom. Neo-Feudalism Now!

  2. avatar toma says:

    That’s a party plank. But the patriots are having some problem getting the rest of country to go along with it. Democracy’s a bitch when few people are willing to vote against their own interests.

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