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It’s raining guns, hallelujah it’s raining guns

Dec 16, 2012
it fits in my mouth

After some angry nut grabs one of America’s 200 million guns and blasts a couple dozen children, it’s probably time we did something. Let’s ask a family-oriented to-the-baby-Jesus praying country firster. You sir! Now that some percentage of our six year-olds are dead, what should we do?

Larry Pratt, executive director of Gun Owners of America . . tossed out this old bullshit today:

“Gun control supporters have the blood of little children on their hands. Federal and state laws combined to insure that no teacher, no administrator, no adult had a gun at the Newtown school where the children were murdered. This tragedy underscores the urgency of getting rid of gun bans in school zones. The only thing accomplished by gun free zones is to insure that mass murderers can slay more before they are finally confronted by someone with a gun.”

We should get some guns.

Steve Dulan, a board member for the Michigan Coalition of Responsible Gun Owners . . said Friday that having armed teachers inside Sandy Hook Elementary School would have, “if not prevented, then perhaps minimized,” the tragedy.

“We do know that armed citizens defend themselves all the time, in all kinds of different contexts,” Dulan told HuffPost Live host Alyona Minkovski.

That’s right, teachers need a lot more guns. The principals too and the classroom aides and the janitors don’t forget the nurse and maybe the fat guy with the yellow vest in the parking lot who can’t even spit sunflower seeds at his feet without pelting the kids. We also need thirty-round magazines, lots of tiny earplugs and would it really kill you to go to the military supply warehouse and scare up a Kevlar vest?

Of course not. But you ask: How many more guns do we need? When will we have enough? Isn’t a couple hundred million plenty? Well, when you compare America to the rest of the world . .


. . you see we’re nowhere near having twice as many as whatever pussy nation is behind us (everybody). So there’s room for improvement. And ammunition.

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  1. Rev. Howard Furst  •  Dec 16, 2012 @7:36 pm
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    Switzerland is up there because all adult males are required to own rifles by the oppressive Swiss government. Goddam chocolatiers, bankers and cuckoo clock makers wouldn’t be armed of their own accord, so they don’t really deserve a place on the honor roll.

    Representatives of the GOP have proffered two primary remedies: schools need more guns and/or schools need more God. Methinks the latter assertion doesn’t hold water, if one ponders how successful association with Jehovah has been for preventing child molestation within the Catholic Church.

    Perhaps we can adopt some fairly successful ideas from Sharia Law, e.g. blood or blood money extracted from the family of the perpetrator, even if they had no discernable role in an incident. In this framework, the young gentleman in Connecticut actually pre-paid his debt to society by taking out his mother (reluctantly no doubt, but it was the right thing to do), saving the school or State the trouble of doing so in recompense.

  2. toma  •  Dec 16, 2012 @8:02 pm
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    You read my mind. Switzerland had me puzzled.

    As for bloodline revenge, it’s a bit Medieval for my tastes. Although I’d like to think all those congressmen with pampered and lunatic progeny might then wake up to the fact that Junior is not just eccentric but certifiably bonkers. This would prompt them finally to pass decent mental illness healthcare legislation for fear of getting slammed into Chino after another of his cocaine-fueled rape-binges that the family lawyers have gotten so good at bargaining away.

  3. Rev. Howard Furst  •  Dec 16, 2012 @9:05 pm
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    Along those lines, I’m all in favor of giving firearms to the children of politicians, but for home use only. One stone, two birds or however that goes.

  4. toma  •  Dec 17, 2012 @3:41 am
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    You’re on to something there. GPS-disabled weaponry. Take your Glock outside the house and it won’t fire. But then how can you expect the patriots to take out the next Lee Harvey Oswald or Mohammed Atta, or any of the other evils of our world? Which they never do? Freedom isn’t free (theirs), and Sandy Hook is the cost (yours).