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Dec 23, 2012
attack of the wuss

New York Times’ Ross Douthat, socket-orbed neckbeard of penetrance, will talk the logic right out of you. If, mind you, you let him.

So why let him? Don’t do it. He makes no sense. Like dogs don’t make dinner. Like mosquitoes don’t make friends. Like don’t never gonna happen. Not likely, as if. You are incorrect, sir. Take your coat? Fine, I throw it upon the fire.

In Ross’ eyes, and I’m seeing cannon balls at the bottom of abandoned smokestacks, there gapes a wind-blown void between the post-Sandy Hook political sides. The tower of Wayne LaPierre, weapons-warlock, stands to one side, and the monument of Michael Bloomberg, mayorship-connoisseur, looms upon the other.

Why is there no logic to be found between them?

Unfortunately for our country, the Bloomberg versus LaPierre contrast is basically all of American politics today. Our society is divided between an ascendant center-left that’s far too confident in its own rigor and righteousness and a conservatism that’s marched into an ideological cul-de-sac and is currently battering its head against the wall.

LaPierre would have us purchase hundreds of thousands of guns to weaponize our schools. Strangely, neither he nor his armament industry clients will pay for the massive program because, you know, billions in profit. They won’t even foot the bill for the students’ emergency room visits or funerals, sadly. Here we have Ross’ cul-de-sac, hip-high in blood and money.

Conversely, Bloomberg is mayor of a town where there are over a thousand shootings a year. He’s calling for a fresh dollop of gun control. That’s a rather unpleasant tone you’ve taken with America, Mayor. O Where Has Reason Gone? There the stacks go, filling with brine. S-l-o-w-l-y.

On issue after issue, debate after debate, there is a near-unified establishment view of what the government should do, and then a furious right-wing reaction to this consensus that offers no real policy alternative at all.

You think this is funny? Douthat seeing both sides of a single side? Why can’t a titmouse shake hands with a rattlesnake? Have you two even talked? Sincerely: Your friend, Ross. For me, though, it’s the following that rates the money quote. Watch him take us to the political shed:

The establishment view is interventionist, corporatist and culturally liberal. It thinks that issues like health care and climate change and immigration are best worked out through comprehensive bills drawn up by enlightened officials working hand in glove with business interests.

God no! Faced with problems, smart people look for a consensus and legislate. Call the cops, it’s government! Out to do things! Ahem:

“Whereas it is in the national security interests of the United States to restore international peace and security to the Persian Gulf region: Now, therefore, be it Resolved by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States…”

The Iraq War resolution. A comprehensive bill legislated by liberal interventionists after building a consensus. (Oops — let us not forget the unfunny truth, the votes of our current Secretary of State, the next Secretary of State, etc. . .). The same goes for all of Ronald Reagan’s glorious tax cuts, and the Voting Rights Act, and whatever ancillary hell the government raises. That’s a pretty big bone to pick, with Federalism. This is not exactly a sober opinion, Moonflower. But then, well . .

As for a conservatism with a serious program, and a real understanding of the challenges facing America today — well, hopefully it will surface by the 2016 presidential campaign. Till then, it’s the hubris of Bloomberg versus the humbug of LaPierre. Merry Christmas, America.

In other words, our Ross: I don’t consider your side. Well, then just say so.

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  1. Rev. Howard Furst  •  Dec 23, 2012 @9:44 pm
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    Not unlike the subdivisions of Anabaptists, with their cutthroat rivalries. When the good Swiss Protestant Christian followers of Zwingli who were in power went hardcore in their insistence that everyone get with their program on Baptism at birth versus by choice, oath-taking and bearing arms (a topic touched-upon previously in this forum; the Zwingli regime is responsible for all Swiss males being trained rifle owners) OR ELSE, they began killing Anabaptists leaders by tying a rope around their neck and throwing them in a swift river or nailing them alive to a tree and killing anyone who attempted to remove them before they died, and other similar good Christian practices in the tradition of true followers of Jehovah. The Anabaptists decided it might be safer to emigrate to the New World, so they ended up in Pennsylvania as the Amish, the Dunkards, and the Mennonites. Despite being virtually indistinguishable to outsiders, they all hate each other, the Dunkards think the Amish Brethren practice of Baptism by sprinkling is ineffective, and the Amish think the Dunkards’ Baptism by dunking is pretentious, and both of them consider the Mennonites to be goddam liberals, and we have the further Balkanization of Anabaptists into Old Order Amish, New Order Amish, Kaufman Amish Mennonites, Amish Mennonites, Conservative Mennonite Conference, and Biblical Mennonite Alliance, way further over the top than the various factions in Monty Python’s Life of Brian. Then despite the murderous polarities between all the groups, they all get lumped together, with nobody outside giving a rat’s ass about the distinctions, the Ohio Amish having higher hats than the Pennsylvanians and all that, then at the next higher level of abstraction, all the different factions of Protestantism, with Methodists, Baptists, Lutherans, Presbyterians etc., etc. all smugly thinking their’s is the One True Way, conveniently forgetting that Martin Luther had a potty fetish, receiving his great Epiphany that turned into the Protestant revolution while sitting on his recently unearthed crapper, where he also imagined Satan with an anus for a mouth. Then we go up another level, and ponder the murderous history of conflicts between Cathoholics [sic], Protestants, Eastern Orthodox, Coptic etc. divisions of so-called Christianity. And all of that emerges from some just-so stories used for crowd control by a tribe of Israelites who were so surely Jehovah’s Chosen People that they settled in the only part of the goddam Middle East without oceans of oil beneath their feet. Derp. And all of that history and future is one tiny dark star in the constellation or galaxy of hundreds of religions that have emerged throughout all of human history, all of them full of benighted followers hating and fearing members of all other groups, despite their common-thread feature of initial founding by someone who had a least a tiny inkling of the unity of consciousness, noting as Alan Watts put it, that we are all “God playing hide and seek with himself”. Then all of that gets lumped into a single category of Religion, in opposition to ever possible arbitrary tribal belief system that isn’t that, whether Science, Communism or whatever. And all of that is just some obsessions of some latecomer primates living in the green slime of a planet whirling around one of billions of kajillions of stars. People need to recognize that EVERY point of view is an act of separation, of identity, that creates an illusion of separate self, and then they spend their bleeding lives trying to find connection with something, someone to ease the loneliness that we ourselves invent anew in every moment of perception and conception. The ancient Indo-European word Skheid, Skeyd, Sker (and other lost variants), which means to separate, to divide, to split, is the root of the word “shit”; people would do well to recognize that their heads are completely full of nothing but shit, and, that being the case, it’s perhaps better to love and abide in joy, free of the illusion of otherness with its inherent fear. At least that’s my point of view… Oh, and Ross Douthat is a douchenugget.

  2. toma  •  Dec 24, 2012 @3:44 am
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    And you’ve topped my post. Life of Brian, Derp and Alan Watts, it’s all there. You sure you don’t want a seat in this juggernaut? You can have it for free, how awesome is that?

    Aside from HR hustling tonight, atheist me read a bit on the Sermon on the Mount, and I’m fascinated with all the interpretations. You would think such a lovely speech would engender kindness in kind, but no. It seems to be the most divisive scripture in Christendom. This makes me conclude that when Jesus himself returns and speaks directly to the people, World War III will commence. Which fits nicely with Revelations I suppose, so Jesus, if you’re listening, no hurry.

  3. Rev. Howard Furst  •  Dec 24, 2012 @9:59 am
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    Juggernaut is an Anglicization of the Sanskrit word better transliterated as “Jagganatha”, meaning “world lord”, an alternative moniker for Krishna. There was an annual chariot parade, with a large, well, parade float featuring a likeness of Krishna.T. he first European description of this festival is found in the 14th-century “The Travels of Sir John Mandeville”, describes Hindus, as a religious sacrifice, casting themselves under the wheels of these huge chariots and being crushed to death. So your kind invitation sounds mighty tempting to me!

    You would of course receive a fair cut of profits from any new tithing members of the Furst National Church recruited via this forum. Your editorial staff will have to be extra-vigilant; the Altargrrlz (TM) have been known to insert playful typos, e.g. “A Mighty Fartress is Our God” is now enshrined in the deluxe gold-embossed edition of our hymnal (with mixed feelings on my part as it’s a sly nod to the fart fetish of the tune’s composer, Martin Luther himself). By the way, whenever you have a slice of pumpernickel bread, you will henceforth remember that the name of that Westphalian treat literally means “devil’s fart”.

    It’s perhaps prudent to start with an occasional guest post, as that will be an easier sell with my parole officer, and it’s also a bit early to assess my effect on advertising revenue. It may be that my proper place is in offering exegesis and Theistic counterpoint in response to your transcendental takedowns. The e-pistle (TM) address associated with this note works.

  4. toma  •  Dec 24, 2012 @10:59 am
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    Huzzah. It is done, or e-mailed.