Somebody has to do something about the effortless manner in which Adam Lanza blew about 100 holes in 20 six year-olds in maybe 3 minutes. Somebody has to do something because half the country is threatening to shoot anything that moves and sneezes in the direction of their arsenals, which is to say Adam Lanza is aiming to do it again. Somebody with some power really needs to push the fools back because doing nothing is how Adam wins. And he always wins.

Thank you Mr. President:

1. Issue a Presidential Memorandum to require federal agencies to make relevant data available to the federal background check system.

2. Address unnecessary legal barriers, particularly relating to the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act, that may prevent states from making information available to the background check system.

3. Improve incentives for states to share information with the background check system.

4. Direct the Attorney General to review categories of individuals prohibited from having a gun to make sure dangerous people are not slipping through the cracks . .

There go a few of Obama’s suggested 23 executive orders for tackling chronic gun violence. (EOs are actions a president may take to direct federal agency policies and procedures.) There’s not a one here that will make any real dent in spree killing tomorrow. It will take all 23 of those and plenty of legislation to make that happen. But the idea that the Executive could take any action without a formal “Pretty Please?” directed at Rand Paul that he can then set fire to, crap on, stuff into a flaming grocery bag and chuck onto the White House roof is problematic. If Rand can’t single-handedly stop whatever a President legally undertakes well that is Damned Aristocratic:

Obama is telling agencies to file data! Gaspar, the guillotine. And have you ever heard the term “smacks of legislation”? It smacks of dipshit. This is what we expect from Rand Paul television, national Dipshit Theater. The bong-worshiping chronically baked teen has grown into a public prank in service to his half-baked intellect. And let’s not be so kind as to pretend he doesn’t always sound epically boiled (he always does).

There is no sensible cause that Rand won’t recognize as wildly unconstitutional. There is nothing the state should do as long as there is camera time for Rand to play Liberty The Self-Shpritzing Clown. If he ran his bike into a mailbox, Rand would try to de-fund the U.S. Postal Service. No kidding. Listen to the Senator take a Department of Energy executive to task over the rickety fixtures in his house:

“I think there should be self-examination from the administration on the idea that you favor a woman’s right to an abortion but you don’t favor a woman, or a man’s, right to choose what kind of light bulb, what kind of dishwasher . .”

In the middle of her response to Paul’s line of comments, [Kathleen] Hogan said, “My view is what you want —”

“Is to buy a toilet that works!” Paul interrupted.

Hogan replied: “I can help you find a toilet that works.”

“You don’t care about the consumer really,” Mr. Paul said. “Frankly, my toilets don’t work in my house, and I blame you.”

How did the same department that mines our uranium manage to throw a turnip into the politician’s bidet? Because The Government.

Tell me, did you expect a guy from the beautiful state of Kentucky to act horrified at the spreading blight of mountain top removal? Are you sure he’d thwart the razing of his own geography for a few loads of filthy hydrocarbon? Think again:

I think coal gets a bad name because I think a lot of the land apparently is quite desirable once it’s been flattened out. As I came over here from Harlan, you’ve got quite a few hills. I don’t think anybody’s going to be missing a hill or two here and there. And some people like having the flat land. Some of it apparently has become quite valuable when it’s become flattened.

Kentucky might wanna sit a spell with the Texas panhandle, the two of you will have a lot in common soon. Which is pretty cool to imagine knowing the way it will piss off Louis the Obama.

To be honest, there is no characteristic uniquely Rand’s that the other anti-America guerrillas don’t already stockpile in spades. I only thought it instructive to point out he’s a stupid douche. His War on the President will be the latest of his intellectual and initiative flameouts given there have been 13,600 executive orders (going back to Abraham Lincoln) and only two have been overturned. Good luck with that.

But pathetic as he is, he’s dangerous. In the name of freedom, Rand Paul will try to give Adam Lanza every opportunity to kill more children next time. It was the Rand Pauls of yesteryear that made it possible this time around.