I was disappointed with Kathryn Lopez’ response to the 40th anniversary of Roe vs. Wade. Clicking through NRO, I fully expected to come across some spirited wailing and tears. We should have had rending of garments and raining of digital sod upon illuminated heads. I was really hoping for a tale of some Danish martyr murmuring something in Latin while dancing The Ephemera on the slobber-gobbed Lopez’ ceiling (“. . est homicidium K-Lo . . “). OH Saint Geert of Erøskøboing! Come baaack!

Are you, dear reader, sick of abortion? Sick of the poverty of the discourse? Sick of the hands of politics on the issue? Sick that it has put evil, tempting thoughts into your head? Sick of where it has left you? This moment is for you.

Promises. But sigh. Here was the highlight of the pro-life throw down:

People are looking for something more. People are looking for an invitation to something better. Women aren’t looking for judgment. Many of them also are not happy with the expectations we have for them to manage their fertility away and pretend to be men with more wardrobe options in the workplace and on the social scene . .

Preaching to her friends. Not very edgy. She couldn’t come up with any reason to get out of her comfort zone on the big day, after all. ‘It’s their bodies and our selves, people.’ Wouldn’t that fit nicely on a bumper sticker? Yes but Kathryn Jean wouldn’t want to brook their complaining. They’re all very insensitive you see (you).

Anyway, I’d bet my bottom dollar women are thrilled to have the same options as men, sexually speaking. Not getting pregnant last weekend. Not getting pregnant next weekend. I’ll say God bless The Pill and you can take that as insultingly as you like, Catholics. The same goes for abortion too. I would not want to live in a world without that last-ditch option.

Whenever Kathryn writes something as clay-footed and Victorian as this I am immediately reminded she’s in her mid-30s and a virgin. If she’d had any experience with actual hot and heavy romance, I might take these tracts a little more seriously.

To that end, it hit me that she might never have even dated. I wondered if she’d ever been spotted with, I don’t know, a Newsmax editor at Elaine’s or something. I thought I might look at her Wikipedia entry:

So there. The life of a token Vatican hire is lonely. We can look forward to the same post from the same person 10 years from now, at the 50 year be-laboring. That’s 3,645 pills from now, unless you’re the type to huck the placebos.