This week in Indiana vs. The Homos

It’s good to catch up with your neighbors. Let’s check in on how our heartland friends have been coming to terms with The Gay. For the latest in that news we go to Terre Haute, Indiana, who, if I’m not mistaken, were just about to get a public library.

A tip of the cap to WTWO for their coverage of citizens sounding off on a big controversy. It seems that local gay students will be going to their high school prom. My oh my. What say you, archetypal Christian scold?

“We don’t agree with it and it’s offensive to us,” said Diana Medley.

Of course, Mrs. Bitch oozes of maternal paternalism, and also a certain MILF-y quality that can penetrate even the best in nineties-era video technology. Can you really blame Diana, rrowr, for that bad attitude? After all look what she’s been doing for a living, acting as the euthanasia coordinator for the…

Diana Medley is a special education teacher in town. She doesn’t believe anyone is born gay.

“I believe that it was life circumstances and they chose to be that way; God created everyone equal,” said Medley.

. . the life hector for The Pick It Up Yourself Center for creative living. The Down Syndromes need strong motivation. But hold on there, you lib-snoots. You should know that Diana is more than only a bigot. She can speak, yuck, to these people too:

“Homosexual students come to me with their problems, and I don’t agree with them, but I care about them. It’s the same thing with my special needs kids, I think God puts everyone in our lives for a reason,” said Medley.

See? There’s a reason why every one of you are living, in her life. And if you just give her a minute, and some mental spectacles, she’ll tell you what it is. Hmm let’s see purpose vs. category, appearance, table manners and hygiene . .

So the same goes for gays? Do you think they have a purpose in life?

“No I honestly don’t. Sorry, but I don’t. I don’t understand it. A gay person isn’t going to come up and make some change unless it’s to realize that it was a choice and they’re choosing God,” said Medley.

OK the gays have no Earthly purpose. Nor does Diana like them, clearly. Probably because they keep gaying no matter how often Diana corrects them. As well they never stop falling down — wait, those are the other jerks. Well anyway you gather the gist. Terre Haute has some way to go before The Gay becomes The Boring (sorry folks).

But before we’re done, just in case any you thought I’d ignore the charm of the other yokels, let it not be said that WTWO isn’t capable of some big city journalism:

Several local pastors support the separate prom movement.

“Christians have always been prepared for a fight. Jesus gave us armor for the front, not the back; we’re not running anymore,” said Bill Phegley with Carlisle Church.

That’s a lovely effort at main-streaming the media or elevating the narrative. But that is certainly not a quote of Pastor Bill’s. This is what he said:

“Christians is always been prepared for a fight. But Jesus Christ give us armor for the front, not the back. We don’t runnin’ no more.”

Homophobes, poorly educated? Bizarre.


4 thoughts This week in Indiana vs. The Homos

  1. avatar Rev. Howard Furst says:

    He’s right; the miniskirt/minikilt of Jesus Armor (Ephesians 6:10-18) does leave one’s backside vulnerable to backdoor plundering, Good Shepherd-style.

  2. avatar toma says:

    So the “. . don’t runnin’ no more” is a party-vite. I assume this is where the BDSM fun and games started.

  3. avatar Rev. Howard Furst says:

    The Bible is very explicit and unambiguous; the underappreciated loophole is that anything that is not explicitly forbidden is okay.

    20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

    That oft-quoted passage does not prohibit homosexuality per se; Jehovah simply makes it more challenging and amusing (and we know that He likes to watch…) by forbidding acts of Sodomy while participants are horizontal on a bed or floor. Hence the miniskirt element of Jesus Armor, which facilitates bending over to commit an act of Bible-sanctioned Sodomy without either the “Shepherd’s” or the “sheep’s” knees touching the ground. Therefore, Pastor Bill was indeed proposing some adult fun between consenting clergymen.

  4. avatar toma says:

    Knew it! Presumably this is how the priests have gotten away with it for so long, ‘standing’ at the altar, in the pews, in the cloisters . .

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