We Are The World, social conservative edition. The National Review makes a clumsy attempt to convince the bubble blowers that Hollywood is still terribly insulting of them, Real America®.

You wonder how one goes about such a thing? The same way a wingnut argues that Blue States are painfully out of touch with the country. Example: ‘Liberals wanted to make us all gay but they barely got two percent. Ha!’ Like that. Ninety-eight percent of America is exactly like the Red States: No-homo. See? Tidy.

How about attacking Spielberg’s Lincoln? I’d say that’s a bad strategy. The protagonist is well-liked and a Republican after all. Plus he freed the slaves which is currently a hip credential, even in parts of Alabama. But then there’s Steven Spielberg to consider . .

. . one would have to imagine the reaction had the gay community learned that Milk, the biopic about one of the most beloved members of its community, was going to be directed by Clint Eastwood, star Mel Gibson, be based on a book by David Barton, with a screenplay written by Dinesh D’Souza.

Golly. Eastwood the curmudgeon, Gibson the drunk, Barton the fantasist and D’Souza the imbecile. In the hands of those four, Lincoln’s battle with Congress would end up Goonies vs. Superfly. Which, naturally, I’d like to see.

“Sadly, the movie also contains about 40 obscenities and profanities, including four ‘f’ words and more than 10 GDs,” noted MovieGuide, a site that a good number of traditionalists consult before attending movies.

Hollywood could use some movie magic when it comes to its docudramas. Did the Titanic really have to sink? Couldn’t Ray have had a bionic eye? Imagination, people.

Declining to give Lincoln its much-sought-after seal of approval, the influential Dove Foundation also questioned the veracity of the cursing, noting that “the language they feature in the film (and this includes Lincoln cursing as well) does not line up with the morals and language of the time period.”

When the Dear Abbys at the . . uh let’s see . . right the Dove Foundation pinch their noses at you, you’re in for it. This probably means Spielberg’s an Oscar shoo-in for everything, Best Underpants included. The Coodle-oo Institute might want to reconsider the argument that our slave era was a more moral time than today. Really.

. . they surely cost Lincoln some amount of foot traffic, if a 48-year-old named Leigh who posted her concerns at Christian Answers is any indication:

“I refuse to pay for and go to a movie where God’s name is taken in vain. There are numerous Web sites out there which will tell you positive and negative aspects of a movie, so that you don’t unknowingly subject yourself or your family to movie content that all Christians should refuse to be a part of.”

He saved a nation, he freed millions of people, and these are of some little good. BUT HE SAID DAMN. Which is like watching Christ take a scud to the groin. No wonder they shot Abe’s melon. Hark! It’s Tim Allen in Santa Claws: Unleashed . .

The 79 percent of Americans who, according to Gallup, make up the center-right majority of the nation are showing their displeasure with Lincoln by voting with their feet and asking important questions: Why would moviegoers shell out money to see a picture that seems to intentionally offend their core values?

The Greatest American Who Ever Lived is an insult to these fusspots. Credits please.