The Air Force being a secular progressive hellhole overrun by the proselytizing of evangelical airmen, and by megachurch pastors given limitless access to their institutions (Al Qaeda? This is your way in.), it’s difficult to believe the military could have problems with a certain corrosive culture:

On Tuesday, the Pentagon will release the annual report on sexual assaults in the military, which shows some startling numbers.

While the report will show that the number of reported assaults in fiscal year 2012 rose only 6 percent to 3,374 — up from 3,192 a year before — the number of people who made an anonymous claim that they were sexually assaulted but never reported the attack skyrocketed from 19,000 in FY11 to 26,000 in FY12.

So you can see sexual assault is not much of a problem. Victims who make anonymous claims, by the thousands, are a different story. Some of this may be due to the military’s direct approach to problem-solving. It may be difficult to understand why when an airfemmeman is assaulted she doesn’t just fire an AIM-9 Sidewinder up someone’s Command and Control Center then send David Martin the digital replay. Hello, Dateline.

Air Force Officer Accused of Sexual Battery
by ARLnow.com | May 6, 2013 at 3:20 pm

The chief of the Sexual Assault Prevention and Response branch of the U.S. Air Force was arrested and charged with sexual battery in Arlington over the weekend.

Lt. Col. Jeff Krusinski is accused of fondling a woman in a Crystal City parking lot early Sunday morning.

. . or why she doesn’t just go all mountain lion on his face. That works pretty good when you forget where exactly you parked your F-22 Raptor at the Crystal Springs Applebee’s. Or when you’re just a citizen.

“A drunken male subject approached a female victim in a parking lot and grabbed her breasts and buttocks,” according to a Arlington County Police Department crime report. “The victim fought the suspect off as he attempted to touch her again and alerted police.”

“Jeffrey Krusinski, 41, of Arlington, VA, was arrested and charged with sexual battery,” police said. “He was held on a $5,000 unsecured bond.”

And maybe that’s the point. When you’re not in the military, you don’t have commanding officers like this guy. You can fuck up a douche pretty good without having to worry about your career, or your life.