Erik Loomis to the white courtesy telephone

Hello Hitler, hello Stalin. Academic totalitarianism is back and better than ever. Visited upon you by us, the tungsten-hard Left, here come carnage, cataclysms and lecture notes very poorly organized. If we aren’t the most seriously dangerous bastards in the world . . .

Burning books, again. The nerve. Sure we pretend to be denizens of a world whose currency is words and ideas. But we’re nothing but fascists motorbiking from town to town, torching television towers, firebombing libraries. Burning rubber your arm felt nice wrapped round my shoulder, and I-ee-eye had a feeling that I belonged. I-ee-eye could be someone, be someone.

Once the photo started going viral, university officials removed it from their website and insisted it was just a joke. Hilarious, no?

Joke or not, while academia constantly warns of metaphorical right-wing book burners, academic arson is literally happening on the left.

They literally burn books, the metaphor. But we pretend to burn books, literally. Oh kill me.


4 thoughts Erik Loomis to the white courtesy telephone

  1. avatar Rev. Howard Furst says:

    Both sides are doing it wrong. Jehovah only endorses book burning when it’s an act of repentance or self-correction, not an act of suppression or denigration.

    After the Ephesians were converted to Paulism en masse by Paul himself:

    Acts 19:19 Many of them also which used curious arts brought their books together, and burned them before all men: and they counted the price of them, and found it fifty thousand pieces of silver

    Academics should therefore burn literature only when withdrawing or correcting their own erroneous work, even if innocent of malfeasance, as when new theories and whatnot supersede last year’s shiny explanations. In fact, public conflagratory repentance should be enforced, especially among tenured folk, to blaze a trail through the jungle so that young investigators don’t waste time following interesting ideas down rabbit holes and instead can find their way efficiently to the consensus reality du jour that will give them a better shot at ingratiating themselves into the good ol’ boys network of grant fund dispensation.

  2. avatar toma says:

    That is darn close to insincere. Have you really considered the possibility? Do you have any idea how hard it would be to teach the model of the atom if we were to disregard all the previous theories, i.e. electrons whirling around a nucleus, etc.? Quantum theory may be accurate and all but it’s also neon beetlejuice. Things appearing and disappearing, turning into the opposites of themselves, being and not-being all at the same time until a Kardashian witnesses it. What a pile of pony pucks.

    Go outside with your hair wet, you catch pneumonia. Don’t tie your shoelaces, you break your leg. En boca cerrada no entran moscas, mi hijo. They fuck you in the drive-thru, okay? Never take Russia by land or the English by sea. With God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly. If you’re part of a crew, nobody ever tells you that they’re going to kill you. Credit is a sacred trust, it’s what our free society is founded on. What kind of plane is it? Oh, it’s a big pretty white one with red stripes, curtains in the windows and wheels and it looks like a big Tylenol. You get my meaning, maybe.

  3. avatar Rev. Howard Furst says:

    Holy Steganography! Anyway, I was just musing while shedding an incendiary tear or two over the burning of the Libraries of Alexandria and Constantinople back in the day. Nary a surviving manuscript except the Archimedes Palimpsest, where he showed himself to be oh so close to integral calculus nearly 2000 years before Leibniz and Newton. And if that’s a typical document, where would we be if almost everything we now know didn’t have to be relearnt and refiggered from scratch after the damn dark ages?

  4. avatar toma says:

    And the Antikythera mechanism was constructed in, what, the first century b.c.? It wasn’t until the Renaissance that anything like it was constructed again.

    Apparently sophistication comes and goes. You’d think both the Greek and Roman/Italian societies would be overrun by Spock-like creatures with mindmelding fingers and Univac brains by now. But no. The Greeks can barely manage to put on an Olympics without breaking down into protests and riots. The Romans are consumed with the doings of old men in funny hats playing grabass behind the pews. And half of America thinks Jesus lived with the dinosaurs. We are all supremely screwed.

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