Why isn’t Katty Kay naked?

A once-eternal mystery has just been solved. A monkey can use a computer.

. . if you look twice at news women, it’s hard not to think; “pole dancer.” Some media babes even help with suggestive stage names. Katty Kay of BBC and CPB comes to mind; surely not as bold as Pussy Galore, but much more aggressive than Kitty Whatshername.

Nightly news, your community sandbox. Katty Kay isn’t some grim Oxford toff, she’s a beckoning nymph. I imagine this baboon spotting Katty at a restaurant and chasing her around the bar, knocking over chairs. C’mere you little tease! You with that name! You know you want it!

In spite of all the puffing about talent and sexual equality, the attributes most admired in news chicks are visual; face, décolletage, weight, and youth. Literacy or intelligence is not necessarily a show stopper if a girl has better twins, or legs, than a teleprompter.

Screed inventory: we have ‘pole dancer,’ ‘babes,’ ‘chicks,’ ‘pussy,’ ‘kitty,’ and also ‘twins.’ And we’ve got the mis-application of ‘show stopper.’ A considerable demonstration of simian intelligence, surely. Let’s not forget, this politics stink-tank calls itself ‘The American Thinker’. Fine, then, but tell me: Didn’t somebody once point at a big lump of rock and say ‘I call this Mount Hood!’? Of course they did, after Katty straddled a gangsta 10,000 feet in the sky.

Yes, yes; there are exceptions. Call them tokens if you will. Andrea Mitchell, Doris Kerns Goodwin, Diane Rehm, and Barbara Walters would hardly qualify as spring chickens or eye candy.

Doris Kearns Goodwin, right. Kurns Goodwen. Kyrns Gudwyn, aye. Now tell me, Murph, given all the news babes flashing their ample twins, why do some of the network hags even exist? Do you know? Any ideas?

Media matrons are a testimony to tenure or the need to service homely, geriatric, or liberal demographics. Indeed, the public airways are no slouch when it comes to tokens. American Public Broadcasting has at least one aging, zaftig, black, female anchor.

Nice pejorative there after ‘aging’ and ‘zaftig’. He didn’t bother to type out w-i-l-d-e-b-e-e-s-t, but of course ‘female’ without ‘nude’ and ‘trampoline’ is disappointing enough.