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Joe the Officially Racist Plumber

fuckin-a smart like as fuck

Remember Joe the Plumber?

He was the regular guy who confronted then-candidate Senator Barack Obama with a…”Hey man I’m a plumber though not really and I’m about to buy a business no I’m not and it’s insane how much you’d tax me with your communism actually I stopped paying federal taxes years ago. So talk to the hand, government, you got served. Sincerely, Joe the Plumber this IRS indictment reads ‘Samuel Wurzelbacher.’

Senator Oogabooga was all “Woah” and “Yawn.” Which is why, while black-guy was going err and aaah, Sarah Palin was like “You’re the greatest, Joam!” And of course Grampa McCrashy said “Where did that Sammy the Plum go?”

Then, maybe five years later, Jurchel the Sprumbazel cried out “Here I am!”

America Needs a White Republican President
Posted by Joe Wurzelbacher on Oct 10, 2013 in Uncategorized

Admit it. You want a white Republican president again.

Maybe because there were so many Klose Kalls, or so many seemingly racial grey areas stretching out in America’s every bigoted direction, Sam decided to post a blogging on the internet that was finally, definitively, perfectly racist. All we can say about this is: Thank you. Thank you Jelzeb Spermbarking.

The election of a recognized black president was not supposed to change anything. In fact, it was supposed to (1) ease any perceived racial tensions, and (2) allow the government to focus on legislating without race. So America would be more free than ever to discuss the issues.

Not the case.

Having a black-man as president was fine but a recognized black-man was better. It was supposed to change nothing come again to solve all the country’s racial strife and its legislative focus am I talking funny? That never did happen, so let’s get rid of the Alinsky mudduck and give Kentucky Colonel Mitch McConnell a try, he ain’t no negro-lovin’ wacka-wacka. Put ole’ President Beauregard Turtlegob himself in the Oval Office, then the blahs won’t be allowed to be racist any more. And by this I mean by definition:

Liberal blacks have disagreed with most Republican presidents since Eisenhower, yet these blacks are not considered racists. In fact, when blacks had sanity and disagreed with the policies of racist white Democrat presidents, nobody accused black people of being racists.

Fighting for one’s civil rights was not racist then, nor is it racist now. Blacks (and Republicans) were on the side of righteousness, when they disagreed with the racist policies of Andrew Johnson, and adopted by every Democrat president since.

Never has a black person been called racist, because they didn’t like one of the white presidents’ policies. Blacks were just exercising their First Amendment rights to speak freely. Blacks have disagreed with policy positions of about every Republican president in the modern era, including those who have helped them.

Take Reagan for example. Reagan ushered in a veritable Renaissance for blacks . .

So let’s have Haley “Segregation Was A Cool Vibe” Barbour, the Mississippi Gipper, save the black people from publicly racially embarrassing themselves, even though they’d rather, if you ask, have cerebrospinal malarial epilepsy or a Michael Bolton CD. That way they can return to being the strapping young bucks or welfare queens that America already knows them to be, and, no need to thank us, will we even mention it? Again? No!

And that is why having a white Republican president is best for the country.

Deal?

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4 COMMENTS

4 Comments

  1. Rev. Howard Furst  •  Oct 12, 2013 @4:23 am
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    Does being stupid feel subjectively like being stoned or drunk all the time? Or are these delirious gentlemen and ladies whom you quote simply suffering from colonization of the gastric mucosa by S. cerevisiae like this gentleman:

    http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-204_162-57603766/beer-belly-man-becomes-drunk-when-stomach-turns-into-brewery/

    In one sense, one could cheer them on for beating the system and being drunk for free whenever and wherever they may be, but is it possible that the Teabaggers could be cured with a dose of fluconazole?

    Effervescently yours,
    Rev. Howard Furst

  2. toma  •  Oct 12, 2013 @10:39 am
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    Yeast gut drunkenness. Crazy. Alcoholic thrush of the colon. Seriously, my brain is bent on the idea. Why the little ole’ dinosaur bacteria don’t just push the Saccharomyces around like zombie beanbags is a mystery. Eat some pasta, and get stoned. Does Italy know?

    Should I suffer this fate, I want it to be a case of S. carlsbergensis colonitis. And in the hospital, I want my choice of fresh toasted bread, and bruschetta.

  3. Grung_e_Gene  •  Oct 14, 2013 @5:14 pm
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    Things were so much better when those people knew their place and weren’t all up… Whoa! You sly devil you You almost caught me being racist and then I would be super pissed at you for calling me racist!

    And WE ALL KNOW that the White CHRISTIAN CONSERVATIVE MALE is the most oppressed person in world history!!!!

    Happy genocide day.

  4. toma  •  Oct 14, 2013 @7:16 pm
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    Happy Exported Mass Murder and Christian Dominion Day everybody. Feel free to kill as many Taino as you like, oh you can’t because Columbus snuffed them all out. Sucks to be non-European, doesn’t it?