For this week’s fourth lesson in how obviously safe guns are and how clearly responsible gun owners can be we travel to Broward County, Florida. Where we defer to firearms safety officer for the Miami-Dade Corrections security force, Marcus Thompson.
FORT LAUDERDALE — The bullet from a gun that accidentally discharged at Shooters Waterfront Cafe hit the metal base of a table, causing it to fragment and ricochet, resulting in minor injuries to at least nine people, police said.
Remember. Never go to a Shooters.
The investigation is ongoing into the Saturday night incident, which involved off-duty Miami-Dade Corrections Officer Marcus Leon Thompson. He told police his Glock 19 9mm firearm went off as he was reaching for money and a valet ticket in his right pants pocket, where he also had his unholstered gun.
Dumbass dropped by Ma Maison Dumbass and ordered the Dumbass Surprise which happened to be, unfortunately for Fort Lauderdale, the Ballistic Flambé. Your Server, Ceasar, doused the specialty in Grand Marnier and set it alight, whereupon Marcus cried out DEAR GOD then lit up everybody within fifty feet.
The police reports list nine people who either felt a burning sensation or received small cuts from bullet fragments after Thompson’s gun went off, including two staffers. A 79-year-old woman visiting from New Jersey was taken to Broward Health Medical Center with a small fragment in her buttocks.
Marcus actually did it. He put a cap in Gramma’s ass. That’s what she gets for trying a Bordeaux with the lobster risotto. Or that’s what the table base gets for getting too close to Marcus’ umm, well, Marcus. Call it another victory for Stand Your Ground though the waiter minutes earlier seated everyone. Can I start you all off with a little war wound?
Shooters had just reopened Feb. 10 after going into bankruptcy in 2012. The landmark restaurant along the Intracoastal Waterway at 3033 NE 32nd Ave. originally opened in 1982.
No word as to whether the place will choose to re-launch as Peaceniks, or Caresses. From this we once again conclude: The more guns you have, the safer your dinner is.