This week’s #7 lesson in gun safety

The whackos who are obsessed with guns are normal good Americans.

The vitriol began almost immediately after The Washington Post reported last month that the Armatix iP1 smart gun was for sale at the pro shop. Electronic chips inside the gun communicate with a watch that can be bought with the gun, making it impossible to fire without the watch. Gun-control advocates, who believe smart guns could reduce gun violence, suicides and accidental shootings, marked the moment as a milestone.

“These people are anti-gunners,”­ someone said of Oak Tree on the store’s Facebook page, adding, “I will never step foot in this dump.” On Yelp, a user wrote, “If you care about the ability to exercise your [Second Amendment] rights, I would suggest that you do not continue to frequent this place.”

Mind you, the Oak Tree Gun Club is “Southern California’s premiere shooting facility.” And the Armatix iP1 is a lethal weapon. But if they’re selling something that can’t accidentally blow your kid’s head off they’re crapping on the Constitution. I assume these patriots also yank the air bags out of their daughter’s new car to keep it real. Throw a rattlesnake in the laundry room so the dog won’t get lonely at night. Tincture the Listerine with cyanide to keep it almond-y fresh. Do remember, as well, that if you don’t have the Ten Commandments tattooed on your ass you’re surely punching the baby Jeebus in his Rock Hudson face. Leave closet gay Jeebus alone already, Satan.

The protests echo what Smith & Wesson endured after it signed a landmark gun-control agreement with the Clinton administration in 2000 that called for the company to research and introduce smart guns. Boycotts of the company’s products nearly put it out of business.

With that encouraging news, we press on. For this week’s seventh lesson in how obviously safe guns are and how clearly responsible gun owners can be we travel to Cook County, Illinois. Where we defer to firearms safety officer Donated Sock.

A Chicago woman, Carmen Dominguez, 54, has died following what appears to have been a tragic accident at a charity shop in the Brainerd neighbourhood where she worked – another victim of gun-related incidents across the US.

According to reports, a colleague at Unique Thrift was sorting through donated clothing when they picked up a sock containing a gun. The .22-caliber weapon fell into the colleague’s hand and accidentally discharged, hitting Dominguez in the chest. She was pronounced dead at a nearby hospital, the Advocate Christ Medical Center.

Guns in this country are so plentiful now they’re like cockroaches. In every nook and cranny. Living under our beds, waiting in the backs of our pantries, hiding in our socks. You can hardly donate a box of crap to charity without a weapon falling into someone’s startled hands and blowing a hole in a co-worker, killing her. If only there were some way to stop these tragedies from happening without, you know, somebody’s delicate ‘Murican feelings being bruised. Oh well darn, la-de-dah. From this we once again conclude: The more guns you have, the safer your laundry is.

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