This week’s #9 lesson in gun safety

For this week’s ninth lesson in how obviously safe guns are and how clearly responsible gun owners can be we travel to Morgan County, Alabama. Where we defer to firearms safety officer Cynthia Bowman.

Cynthia Bowman, of Decatur, Alabama, was hugging her stepson, 17-year-old Kedrick Bowman. According to reports, when Cynthia walked into their house Monday night, Kedrick came up and put his arms around her and laid his head down. Cynthia was holding a .380-caliber handgun and when she brought her hand up the gun unintentionally discharged. The bullet struck Kedrick in the head.

Kedrick was taken to the hospital in critical condition. He was pronounced brain dead the next day but kept on life support so his organs could be donated.

Blink. Curse you Red Baron.

“His death saved eight lives today,” said his father.

His father said the gun was faulty. He said they had called police about six months ago after the gun randomly discharged while on a dresser in their bedroom. The store where they bought the gun said there was a faulty spring and replaced the magazine.

Cynthia said she had the gun with her Monday when she got home. As she was walking toward the house, carrying the pistol, it unintentionally discharged. She told her husband they would have to bring the gun back. It was right after this that the gun discharged again, killing her stepson.

You left it on the dresser. It blew a hole in the wall. You were taking it from the car and it blew a hole in the driveway. By all means then keep it in your hands at all times. Hold on to it nice and tight. Like an asthmatic walking around with his inhaler. Like televangelist Pat Robertson waving around his deed to a Zaire diamond mining operation Holy Bible. Keep it in your hands every second of the day because it’s your lucky rabbit’s foot. It’s a good luck charm that randomly fires bullets. Wouldn’t want to hug your children without pressing it against their rib cages, now would we? Pointed right at their heads?

From this we once again conclude: The more guns you have, the safer your hugs are.