This week’s lesson in gun safety (#14,15,16,17,18,19, 20 and 21)

Oops, I forgot the name of the place. I read about it last week. I seem to remember it was Green-something. Greenton. Greenvale. Greendale – no that’s from Community. Greeneville? *google*

Ah yes, here it is, ahimmm. For this week’s lesson in how obviously safe guns are and how clearly responsible gun owners can be we travel to Greene County, Tennessee. Where we defer to firearms safety officer The Town Of Greeneville:

Three accidental, but unrelated, shootings were reported over the weekend by the Greene County Sheriff’s Department.

Afton resident Michael Justin Tolliver was shot in the arm Saturday when his handgun apparently discharged accidentally as he put it away, a Sheriff’s Department report said.

Stanley Robert Garland, of Midway, on Sunday suffered a gunshot wound in his right hand when a bullet he fired at a firing range apparently ricocheted off a target, a report said.

A 17-year-old in Bulls Gap, Zachary Frye, on Sunday shot himself in his hand, apparently accidentally, when a rifle he was holding hung on his shirt and discharged, a report said.

Three Greenevillers shot themselves in 27 hours. That is absolutely quite brilliant. Good thing it wasn’t a three day weekend or you folks would be burying half of Dixie. But oh no, CRAP. This news is actually from five years ago. How did that happen? I thought I read about an accidental shooting in ‘Greeneville’ recently. *google* OOH, right, this must be it. Ahimm, for THIS week’s lesson in how obviously safe guns are and how clearly responsible gun owners can be we travel to Greene County, Tennessee. Where we defer to firearms safety officer The Same Town Of Greeneville:

Local law enforcement investigated two accidental shooting incidents over the weekend, one involving a 7-year-old boy.

Gage Ricker was injured about 9:15 a.m. Saturday in the 1300 block of Iron Bridge Road, sheriff’s Deputy Jeff Caudill said in a report. The boy’s father, Leonard Ricker, told deputies he and his 7-year-old son were squirrel hunting in the woods.

The boy was carrying a .22-caliber short-bolt action rifle “and started to raise it up to shoot a squirrel and accidentally discharged the rifle, shooting himself in his right foot,” the report said…

Greeneville police responded to Laughlin Memorial Hospital Saturday morning after being notified about an accidental gunshot victim.

Dennis Starnes, 88, of 2004 Fairlawn Drive, suffered a gunshot wound to the calf on one of his legs, Officer John Bishop said in a report…

Starnes told police he was looking at the .22-caliber handgun and “must have pulled the trigger,” the report said.

This time only two Greenevillers shot themselves. But they did it in 45 minutes, early on a Saturday morning. So that’s a far more impressive rate of wounds-per-hour. Congratulations, y’all are excellent candidates to host the Tennessee hip hop awards, please check your body armor at the door.

You know what’s funny, ha-ha? All these shootings are starting to blend together. I don’t actually remember reading about these two. And I thought the name of the town was something more like Greenberg, or Greenburg. Umm, err. Oh no. *google* CRAP.

Ahimm, for THIS week’s REAL lesson in how obviously safe guns are and how clearly responsible gun owners can be we travel to Westmoreland County, Pennsylvania. Where we defer to firearms safety officer Not The Town Of Greeneville:

GREENSBURG, Pa. — A Hempfield man accused of fatally shooting a man inside his Greensburg home early Tuesday morning said the killing was accidental.

Fidel O. Velez, 27, was fatally shot once in the chest at a friend’s home on Swede Hill Road, according to the Westmoreland County Coroner’s Office.

Police have charged the homeowner, Eric James Fennell, 32, with criminal homicide.

“Me and my friend were playing with a gun and it accidentally went off. It hit (Velez) in the chest. It was really, really, really senseless,” Fennell told Channel 11’s Joe Holden…

“If I could trade places with him, I would,” Fennell said.

Blah blah, try not to kill yourselves…you people. Alright. But before I say anything more, I’m gonna have to check first. I don’t have a choice about this, do I? Is there by any chance another Town Of Greensburg? *google* Of course there is oh CRAP. CRAP CRAP CRAP. Ahimm, for THIS week’s REALLY FOR SURE lesson in how obviously safe guns are and how clearly responsible gun owners can be we travel to Decatur County, Indiana. Where we defer to firearms safety officer Don’t Even Think That It’s The Town Of Greeneville:

GREENSBURG, Ind. – Greensburg police say it was a younger sibling who accidentally shot and killed 13-year-old Craig Roberts.

The shooting happened early Tuesday evening inside the family home in the 1000 block of North Carver. Police say the boy’s stepdad was getting ready to clean a gun when he stepped out of the room. That’s when the sibling picked up the weapon and fired it…

On Wednesday, grief counselors gathered at the Junior High to help students and teachers deal with the loss.

“It’s a tough day. People holding up well but it’s just a challenging day for everybody,” said School Resource Officer Bruce Coppel.

The counselors had been at the school just a few weeks ago. On Feb. 25, another Junior High student, Tyler Hall, was shot and killed by his father who then took his own life. Now the school community finds itself dealing with a second student death.

Two students from the same junior high school shot and killed two weeks apart. That’s about as bad as it gets. But wait! Groan. At the same time the poor 13 year-old got shot, at 5:45 p.m. Tuesday evening, March 11th – maybe the same minute, practically the same second – this happened:

GREENSBURG, Ind. – Two accidental shootings involving children have police stressing the importance of gun safety.

Police say a 3-year-old girl shot herself in the hand after finding her father’s gun at a home in Indianapolis Tuesday evening.

Right around that same time, police in Greensburg say a 6-year-old boy shot his 13-year-old step brother accidentally, after finding a gun his dad was going to start cleaning.

That 13-year-old died of his injuries.

Officials say these shootings are a stark reminder to make sure your guns are unloaded and locked up.

Great. And community officials, is that what they’re saying? Well I’ll be damned. Whaddyaknow. Buh-bye, so long, have fun storming the castle blood bank. With all these shootings, and killings, and maulings, it would be lovely to see local journalists do better than feckless accommodations of America’s insanity with a little “Officials say we should be careful.” And a bit of “Police are stressing the importance of gun safety.” Is that so, Mister Newspaper Guy? Should we be careful with our guns? Is somebody out there stressing safety? Well thanks for breaking the news, pal. You’re a terrific help. From this we once again conclude: The more guns you have, the safer your town of Green***** is. Or, perhaps, your Amer***.