Why Godzilla is a box office bomb

You know why so many modern re-makes suck?

The Women dealt with a group of gals who spend their days shopping, taking exercise classes, being pampered at health spas, seeing analysts and gossiping. In other words, the characters lampooned as rich, social-climbing harpies in 1939, are models of today’s successful female; hardly the stuff for a popular satire.

Because America used to be a better place. The Thirties were a far saner time. I mean women going to spas? Seeing their psychiatrists? That used to be the sort of satire I could enjoy. Now it’s normal, sigh.

Similarly, the remakes of The Adventures of Robin Hood and True Grit failed, not only because of the impossibility of replacing iconic actors, Errol Flynn and John Wayne, but because of a lack of understanding of the values underlying the characters.

The characters were real men. John Wayne played an unrepentant killer for example.

Robin Hood and Rooster Cogburn, in spite of their devil-may-care attitudes, embodied a fierce loyalty to a code of honor bigger than themselves; a concept totally foreign to today’s movie makers and most of their audience.

Erroll Flynn played The Great Nottingham Socialist. No matter how hard the authorities tried they couldn’t dismantle his wealth redistribution scheme. I get your point.

Which brings me to the latest Hollywood attempt at recapturing movie magic; the upcoming release of Godzilla from Warner Bros.

Which just made about $100 million over the weekend. Nice try Hollywood.

…Godzilla himself was said to have been created by nuclear fallout. Indeed, the whole movie was itself a cautionary tale about the dangers of nuclear proliferation in waging war.

But, unsurprisingly, this central element has been stripped from the new flick.

The remake’s not about the consequences of using nuclear weapons so it’s not as good.

According to an early review in Variety, “this revisionist version suggests ‘all those nuclear tests’ the U.S. conducted in the Pacific between 1946 and 1962 weren’t tests, but an effort to contain a giant amphibious dinosaur.” Nope, nothing to see here folks: no Soviet threat or any reason at all to arm and protect ourselves by beating our enemies to the nuclear punch.

Oh. The remake’s not about how we won the Cold War so it’s not as good. I see.

Yet, many leftists today would agree that Godzilla was indeed the product of America’s cruel unleashing of the nuclear weapons against a peace-loving Japanese people…

…when Godzilla was really a reaction to the threat of Soviet Communism. Got it.