June of 2014 – those were the days my friend…

Siberian saluki shit on a speckendick shingle, we’ve got John McCain again telling us to Do The Right Thing in Iraq. As if it mattered to us anymore in the least. As if it mattered to sane Americans back then. It doesn’t matter.

Now we’ve got war architect Paul Wolfowitz begging us to invade another country.

When Meet The Press host David Gregory asked the former Bush official for advice on how to mitigate the potential terrorist threat merging from ISIS, saying “what do you do then, as a policy matter, to stop this,” Wolfowitz responded that the Obama administration must convince the Middle East that the U.S. “is serious,” arguing, “I would do something in Syria.”

And then there’s Bill Kristol whining that we’re no longer dying over there.

“It’s a disaster made possibly by our ridiculous and total withdrawal from Iraq in 2011.” Kristol went on to suggest that the war in Iraq is not over: “President Obama said two days before election day, in 2012, Iraq is on the path of defeat, the war in Iraq is over. That was enough to get him re-elected. Iraq is on the path of defeat. Neither is true. It’s a disaster for our country.”

Golly. Only in right-wing world do the good times necessarily go on forever. And it’s all very serious, heady and seductive but I do feel like there’s a certain something missing. As if someone had been denied his rightful place at the butchers cotillion. Where’s our dear Tom Friedman?

“I think it was unquestionably worth doing Charlie, and I think that looking back that I now certainly feel I understand what the war was about … We needed to go over there basically uhm, and, uh, uhm take out a very big stick, right in the heart of that world and burst that bubble … And what they needed to see was American boys and girls going house to house from Basra to Baghdad uhm, and basically saying ‘Which part of this sentence don’t you understand? You don’t think we care about our open society, you think this bubble fantasy we’re going to just let it go? Well. Suck. On. This.’ Ok?“

The Times’ Mustache de Morte must have something timely and trenchant to say about the Iraq situation, don’t you think?

Having just returned from Iraq two weeks ago, my own thinking is guided by five principles, and the first is that, in Iraq today, my enemy’s enemy is my enemy.

Al Qaeda’s biggest enemy of course would be us, the United States of America. Carrying that forward, with our craniums fizzling with the finer points of Monsignor Professor’s man-Fried Mespopamic Math, we are urged to multiply all of the factors, and we are in addition begged to carry all of the vital integers, so that we are fully empowered to calculate, and then discover, that the only sane solution to the sticky situation would be, umm, of course, a self-inflicted airstrike. ALSO: People.

Other than the Kurds, we have no friends in this fight. Neither Sunni nor Shiite leaders spearheading the war in Iraq today share our values.

It wasn’t so long ago the Arabs needed to have Tom’s cock crammed down their throats. But now for whatever reason he’s not concerned any more that they’re woefully ignorant of Western sexual habits. Tom is now complaining that they haven’t yet become the sort of personal partners he can build a satisfactory life with. 100,000 funerals later they’re not exactly marriage material, and why they haven’t come around is a real mystery.

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