This week’s lesson in gun safety (#25)

For this week’s lesson in how obviously safe guns are and how clearly responsible gun owners can be we travel to Sarasota County, Florida. Where we defer to firearms safety officer Asa Masotti:

Sarasota County Sheriff’s deputies arrived at the Walgreens at 3601 Bee Ridge Road just past midnight June 9 following reports of a man being shot in the parking lot.

Psst, dude, wanna buy a gun? This is why Walgreens was put on God’s green Earth.

After questioning, deputies learned Masotti had accidentally shot a man he did not know while trying to sell him a handgun.

What kinda gun is it, maaan? Can it cure a cold? That’s why I parked here.

After asking the man if he was interested in buying a gun, Masotti produced a silver 9mm handgun that accidentally fired as he was pulling it out, the bullet hitting the victim in the thigh.

I think it’s a…*bang*. It looks like a Remington War Wound. It could be a Colt 45 Seconds Then You Bleed Out. Anyway the mysterious thing sure works good – too good, I think – and pardon me but now I really have to go. Welcome to a typical day here in America. It’s all the predictable result, I believe, of allowing civilians to buy Zicam at a discount.

When a friend of Masotti’s arrived soon after, witnesses say Masotti tried to give him the gun and told him to get rid of it out of fear of going to prison for shooting someone. The friend instead assisted the man who was shot, making sure 911 was called and remained on scene.

What sort of friend is that? He won’t take the fall for the shooting, and he’s trying to keep the eyewitness alive. Stevie Wonder and Dionne Warwick will not be singing your praises any time soon, mister helpful.

The victim, 27-year old Benjamin Smith, suffered a shattered femur and was flown to Blake Medical Center, undergoing surgery soon after. Smith was interviewed in the Blake ER and said Masotti was extremely remorseful, apologetic and scared.

Scared? I wonder why.

Masotti, who has five prior arrests for Burglary, Aggravated Battery and Domestic Violence, was taken into custody June 18th and charged with Improper Exhibition of a Dangerous Weapon.

I also wonder if poor Ben is aware of all the raps for armed robbery he dodged when the gun went off. Dodging bullets, of course, is a trickier matter. Maybe it’s a bad idea to buy a gun from a guy lurking in a Walgreens parking lot? It’s always a bad idea to be shot, by a weapon, point blank. From this we once again conclude: The more guns you have, the safer your thigh bone is.

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