I have a few utterly ill-informed layman’s thoughts on the Hobby Lobby decision but they’re yet poorly cobbled together, needing a great deal of fine tuning, clarity and organization. In lieu of boring the decent readers of this internet with any of that I thought I’d turn my attention to a far finer source of trenchant legal analysis, Jonah Goldberg:
Abortion-rights protesters gathered outside the Supreme Court building on Monday holding signs that read “Birth Control: Not My Boss’s Business.”
Much to their chagrin, Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito agreed in his ruling in the Hobby Lobby case.
Gee I thought the protestors didn’t want…oohhh. I get it. Touché, turtle.
Of course, that’s not how supporters of the government’s contraception mandate see it. They actually believe that birth control is their boss’s business, and they want the federal government to force employers to agree.
Good ole’ Jonah doesn’t mess around, he gets right to the flesh of the matter. Everyone knows the government can force your boss to lance the boil on your ass. That’s of course typical boss business. But that doesn’t mean the government can also force your employer to do disgusting things. They can’t make him give you contraceptives just because you managed to make sex any fun. No one gets to work both sides of a somatic-legal argument, Madame. That’s not his business. I mean it’s as if, well. Let’s see if I can put this another way…
If I like to dress up as a character from Game of Thrones on weekends, pretending to fight snow zombies and treating my mutt like she’s a mystical direwolf, that’s none of my employer’s business.
Not your employer’s business. Altogether ludicrous. Entirely very silly. That is until one of the stupid snow zombies nearly pokes your eye out, detaching a retina. Then your boss has to cancel his vacation and gallop all the way back to Mordor (sp?) to do a little eye surgery. Why? Because suddenly it’s his business.
But if I ask my employer to pay for my trip to a Game of Thrones fan convention, I am asking him to make it his business.
A trip to the Nerd Prom, overrun with savages, who shall not be denied their earthly pleasures. Wobbly swords and brittle porn are what they’re into, and for these Medievalists the Pill was invented. But let’s not forget, Gwendolyne, why Sex was invented: you having babies. And that’s what your boss is into. And do I really have to remind you that telling everybody what to do is his thing, too? That’s his business. This way the sensible argument against contraception in your health plan is made plain. And I’m relieved to know your office manager’s moral sense isn’t given over to sex and pleasure because that sort of depravity could hasten the return of some dark ages…
…that may or may not be unfair, but it’s his right.
As we can agree that Game of Thrones is quite good fun but, ultimately, not the swine flu. Well so much for my argument. It’s the greatest analogy of a Supreme Court ruling I’ve ever read.