Ben Stein phones it in

Wheezing Leonberger Ben Stein calls Steve Malzberg’s Newsmax show to defame the deceased Michael Brown. Ben sounds creaky. We’ve come to expect better from the guardian of Nixon’s keen reputation than this barely racist nonsense he’s spouting.

“The idea of calling this poor young man ‘unarmed’ when he was six-foot-four, 300 pounds, full of muscles – apparently, according to what I read in the New York Times, on marijuana – to call him unarmed is like calling Sonny Liston unarmed or Cassius Clay unarmed.”

You might remember ‘Cassius Clay’ as the straight Christian name of Muhammad Ali, before he went gay Muslim. You might not remember Sonny Liston because Ben is old as a Mojave pine tree.

“I mean, he wasn’t unarmed, this was, he was armed with his incredibly strong scary self.”

You might also remember ‘armed’ as a word meaning ‘holding a weapon in his or her hands.’ In what manner Michael Brown menaced police with a second Michael Brown isn’t clear, but the allegation makes for a fascinating mind-cartoon. Until one of them gets shot in the head, of course.

Done slandering the dead, Ben moves on to the president and his attorney general:

“They’re not looking for a fair trial. They’re looking for a lynching jury. And it’s a very sad state of affairs. I mean it used to be, there was a time…when lynchings of African Americans were not that incredibly rare. Now the lynchings are the police and it’s just an outrage.”

How many cops have you seen swinging from downtown trees? Rotting in the sun? Some of you are bad at math, but that’s okay. I can wait.

“And by the way notice that in both this case and in Trayvon, Trayvon Martin’s case, it’s the very large so-called victim attacking the policeman who winds up dead. I mean if they just would not attack the policeman, if they just would talk to the policeman in a reasonable way instead of attacking the policeman, nobody would end up dead.”

I mean, what was Trayvon Martin thinking? Condominium cops don’t carry .45 calibers for good luck. The police commission had to do their thing of course – and didn’t that go on for awhile – but they ruled unanimously that Officer Zimmerman’s detention and use of deadly force were legal. I bet Ben thinks this is how Martin’s murder actually went down.