Like most women, Paris Hilton is too much for Tucker Carlson

Tucker Carlson’s dorkhut has got some sort of problem with Paris Hilton.

hilton headline

Paris Hilton has been acting very Paris Hilton-y lately, purchasing $13,000 Pomeranians, carrying around loose $100 bills and pictures of herself, but she really crossed the line Thursday when she uploaded these photos to her Instagram of her wearing nothing but bondage lingerie and thigh-high boots.

The line has been crossed.

paris hilton picture

That’s not lingerie, that’s art. Lingerie you don’t have to cut your girlfriend out of. There’s a hamburger commercial currently running where she’s wearing a small fraction of that spidery mess but pardon me what’s this chock-full in the Daily Caller side column? An internet supply of barely clad women. Bless my boner, if it isn’t Carlson’s Cheesecake™.

Tucker's Sideboob Day

Maybe I’m making a dull point, but that’s not even a woman. It’s only a part. A part of a part of a woman, and without any clothing. In fact, the no-clothing is the whole point.

Tucker's Ass Day

And another woman-part. Just their butts, thank you. Hold the talky-thinky bits please. And when Tucker does manage to get an entire human being into his masturbation stream…

Tucker's Asian Chick Day

…it’s for ‘National Fortune Cookie Day.’ Which brings us:

Tucker's wet dream

Asian women. Get it? Considering Tucker made up fortune-cookie day, and that said cookies were invented by Americans as a gimmick to impart “Chinese Wisdom” at the end of an exotic meal – cough – I’m disappointed we aren’t seeing some ‘ah-SO’ thought bubbles.

So, to sum up: Paris Hilton is a naked whore. Who flaunts herself with sex pictures. And while we’re tsk-tsking her wrecking of civilization please enjoy Tucker’s wankpics of female body parts – the rump, or the hock – or try one of his favorite after-dinner treats, an Asian in her panties. Done.