A case of nth-degree boobiary Ebola Panic

The truth is that Ebola virus really isn’t much of a threat. It’s only about as contagious as hepatitis. Unless you have some pressing need to go walking hand-in-hand with strangers along the Mesurado river, it’s something you can easily avoid. Ebola panic however is another story.

Sen. Rand Paul of Kentucky declared on “The Laura Ingraham Show” that “this could get beyond our control” and worried, “Can you imagine if a whole ship full of our soldiers catch Ebola?”…

Rep. Paul Ryan of Wisconsin floated the idea of quarantining airline passengers in the affected African countries before they could fly out. “We’re learning a lot about how it’s spread but the question is ‘How can a person just jump on a plane and get here without a quarantine period of 21 days,’ which I believe is recommended,” he said on a radio talk show Wednesday.

Can you imagine quarantining the thousands of people who arrive here from West Africa every day? Can you imagine lying so shamelessly about a Centers for Disease Control recommendation? Fuck you, Paul Ryan.

You know what’s a good way to deal with this problem? When an African man shows up in your Dallas emergency room with flu-like symptoms, you ask him: “Are you Liberian?” Here’s a sensible one: “Did you just fly here from Liberia?” And then there’s this corker: “Have you recently been in close contact with any Liberians dying from Ebola, in Liberia?” Asking even one of these practical questions of a vomiting stranger could give your puzzled medical staff valuable hints as to what they’re dealing with, but your mileage may vary. Notwithstanding: Booo! That’s not how these clusterfucks go, so now we’ve got a full-blown case of American Ebola Tremons. Matthew Continetti:

We are told that Benghazi was a spontaneous demonstration, that al Qaeda is on the run, that the border is secure as it has ever been, that Assad must go, that I didn’t draw a red line, the world drew a red line, that the IRS targeting of Tea Party groups involved not a smidgen of corruption, that the Islamic State is not Islamic…

The system can withstand only so many shocks.

Remember when those four guys were killed in Libya? It looked like sheer panic in my neighborhood, I can tell you.

The response by our government has been denial and delusion. But that has further alienated the public, and it won’t be long before things get really weird. Maybe it is time for the political class to panic, too.

Know hope? That’s passé.

Know fear.

You hear that? SShh! Did you HEAR THAT? This would be ghost whispering for our wingnut pals. If only the simple suggestion of ghosts having ears wouldn’t cause an outbreak of volcanic incontinence. THEY CAN HEAR YOU? Then there’s Jonah Goldberg.

If I were in charge of overseas contingency operations at the Islamic State or al-Qaeda, I would send as many suicide-bomber types back to America (and France and Britain) with a new weapon: Ebola.

What a mensch.

I’d tell them: Take as many connections as you can on the flight home. Help people with their luggage whenever possible. Leave a mess in the plane bathroom and a paper trail of your travels that will foment panic when ultimately revealed.

Really a helpful sort.

Have fun for as long as you can and maybe share your spit, sweat, and other stuff in as many creative ways as you can. See a show. Go to a water park and just hang out in the lazy river all day. Eat at a nice restaurant, leave a messy napkin. Don’t bother to wash your hands — and never flush (or if you do, make sure the toilet overflows!).

The Salt of the Girth. He is.

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