Let’s impeach him for Ebola as well

Why pray tell must we suffer a deadly dangerous outbreak of Ebola in our United States? That’s the big question. Well, partner, I’m not sure what exactly you mean by the word ‘outbreak.’ Perhaps you mean something else, like ‘containment’? A Liberian man came into contact with an infected woman back in Africa, then he returned here. That’s nothing like a contagion, that’s like a ‘commute.’ As a result America has now had itself a ‘containment.’ If, though, a couple dozen unlucky people in the Liberian’s neighborhood now come down with the virus I’m ready to concede an apocalypse. We will have ourselves an actual outbreak.

But some are already convinced Ebola has precipitated a devastating American health crisis. They’ve resorted to praying for the safety and welfare of their children and their church groups lest the epidemic run like a wildfire through their neighborhoods before they can make their peace with Him. As they typically become whenever Revelations descends upon them, or the moon fades to red, or the mayflies swarm ominously as a sign the country is being overtaken by dark forces from a far-flung continent, our conservative friends are now in shock. Thoroughly terrified. And very, very angry.

Barack Barry Soetoro Hussein Obama, Indonesian citizen and erstwhile Muslim, needs to be impeached. Now. Repeat, now.

Ho-hum Michael. C’mon, why?

The latest, and most egregious, example is the federal government’s (mis)handling of the spread of the Ebola epidemic… Ebola is already here, in Texas, in Georgia, probably in New York or New Jersey.

The coast-to-coast epidemic, unfortunately, died yesterday. I have no doubt this is a tragedy for our author given the very few days Patient Zero was given to convert Texas into jungled Africa. If he hadn’t enough time to turn even a single hospital into a mortician’s glossary, I fear someone is going to take it personally.

In addition, Obama-Soetoro, as “Commander-in-Chief,” has ordered 3,000 of our military personnel to the infected areas of Africa where it is inevitable that some, if not all, will become infected themselves.

Dateline: tomorrow. A long-missing Army troop transport appeared off Cocoa Beach, Florida, weeks late and wildly off-course shocking swimmers and sunbathers who gawked at the eerie sight. The ship ran silently aground on the beach minutes after 1 p.m. local time. Military police soon arrived at the scene and clambered aboard the carrier to look for survivors. Hours later officials in contact with the searchers confirmed that none of the passengers or crew had survived…

Is this how it’s supposed to go down? Because I’m betting anything big enough to carry 3,000 soldiers has room for a doctor. A small grotto for a couple of nurses. An overhead compartment big enough for a bitchin’ two-way radio, too.

They will then bring the disease home with them to infect God only knows how many more soldiers and American civilians.

OH I’ve got it all wrong. Here’s how it goes: The soldiers disembark and then sprint right back to catch the midnight mass at Our Lady of the Sanctified Channel. WHERE they all stand shivering in line waiting for a proper transmogrification, until the first of them arrives finally in front of the priest, poking a pale and palsying tongue out at Father Doocy. WHO only just barely manages to wonder ‘What the…?’ before receiving a skull-melting volley of the African Death Vomit to many a churchgoer’s shock, if not surprise. You will agree that this is something we, as Americans, should avoid.

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2 thoughts Let’s impeach him for Ebola as well

  1. avatar Grung_e_Gene says:

    Have you been drinking the schflay koolaid? By which I mean the toxic crap which Phyliss belches forth not the beer.

  2. avatar toma says:

    …and if I indulge in a pint or two of frothy Schlafly-Aidâ„¢ on the weekend, what business is it of yours? Shoo communist!

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