Órale vato I stole your sub-contract

Here’s Victor Davis Hanson’s latest. It’s called “…Aristocracies Have no Place in Modern America.”

But before you assume Vic has finally gotten sick of our robber barons, think again. Before you raise any hope that Charles and David Koch are about to get both barrels of a Victor Davis Cranius Cavernosum epistle, hope not. Much as the scions of the family of billionaires who started the Birch Society, twin godlike eminences of the right-wing, serial impresarios of an alphabet soup of political bullshit and dysfunction – AEI, AFP, ALEC, the NRA, Cato, the Heritage Foundation, the Federalist Society – deserve a violent public flogging for their corpus delicti, Hanson will never be that brave.

Instead he oils his whip, and he prowls the Western borderlands. No sense in losing a paycheck, you know. The dear reader will appreciate Hanson’s latest targets being nothing more than the usual suspects for a man of his proclivities. Because this is the real title of his screed, including the first, key, word: “Ethnic Aristocracies Have no Place in Modern America.” That’s right: The colored people are having it too easy in America and let’s put a stop to it, shall we?

Once upon a time, the liberal position was to reject the old discriminatory branding of people by the color of their skins rather than by the content of their characters.

Not now. Political and career advantage is found in trumpeting — or occasionally making up — genealogies.

For the sake of argument, fine. And what would be the “career advantage” in posing as a minority?

Take the inexact category of Latino or Hispanic — an often constructed identity that increasingly no one quite knows how to define.

You could confuse people like Victor.

Almost anyone can be a Latino or Hispanic, from a fourth-generation American with one-quarter Mexican ancestry, to a first-generation Cuban, to a youth who recently arrived illegally from Central America, to someone whose great-grandparents emigrated from the Portuguese Azores.

You could have your own Shriners clubs.

New Mexico Gov. Susana Martinez is Latina — her parents were Mexican-American. But her now-desperate Democratic challenger for the governorship, Gary King, claims that Martinez “does not have a Latino heart.” Apparently for King, a self-appointed genealogist, if you do not share his liberal agenda, then you are, de facto, not Latino.

You could even call someone you didn’t like ‘Un Tio Tomás’. There’s a mix of envy and animus on Vic’s part for Latinos being so fabulously conniving and powerful, in a yet-to-be-mentioned, or wholly-imaginary, way.

Last year, former New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson, a liberal who is of mixed Mexican and Spanish ancestry, claimed that Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, a conservative who is half-Cuban, should not “be defined as a Hispanic” because Cruz opposes comprehensive immigration reform.

Just imagine if Richardson were conservative, had taken his mother’s name and went by Bill Marquez, and if Cruz were liberal, also took his mother’s name and went by Ted Wilson. Who would be the more authentic Hispanic/Latino?

What if the liberal had the ethnic name, and the lunatic didn’t? [Note to self: Plant tongue in cheek. Cross arms. Done.] And what if they swapped political positions too? I suppose the former leftist would vehemently oppose having any more of his people in America, and we’d call him a traitor to his race. Was that the gist of the argument? I think I won, didn’t I?

On and on Cranius goes indicting suspect after criminal of lying to appear tragically hip – Elizabeth Warren claimed she was Geronimo! Argh! – without coming up with a motive. What sort of games are the American aristocracy playing? The answer is nowhere to be found. If Henry the VIII got to behead his ex-wives, and Phillip the II got to play with an armada, then just what exactly do the Mexicans, real or imaginary, get? OH here it is, in paragraph XVI:

But even if some can prove ethnically pure heritages, who gets an edge in racially mixed-up America and who does not — and why? Will the tens of thousands of Central American children who recently crossed illegally into America soon be eligible for affirmative action?

They get affirmative action. That’s how a survivor of Guatemala’s death squads turns into Marie Antoinette.

If so, on what grounds? That America welcomed, fed, clothed and schooled those who were all but driven out from their oppressive Central American governments?

Is that all? What a brazen swindle. You see Victor is a very nice man but the Immigration And Naturalization Service isn’t feeding him any suckling pig. Nobody from the Border Patrol is tailoring him any silken garments. So what gives, liberals? He’d like to live here in America too, you know! Has anyone ever seen anything in life so unfair to Victor Maximus Mammonae Tonguebath? Or to the many wastrel targets of the state’s spiteful discrimination, his country club pals? They are full of pity for Caesar, I know. Look how that turned out. Órale vato, he stands athwart, etc.

Why continue with divisive racial self-identification?

Too many of our ethnic aristocrats and politicians benefit from a fossilized system of a past century that is now largely irrelevant in 21st-century America…

…where the modern Medicis, Goldman Sachs, have every right to manipulate, or extort, or decimate the world’s financial systems because that’s the nature of business. And where the Koch Brothers do get sensibly fellated at the drop of a Rolodex because of the staggering First Amendment power granted them by birthright, and wealth. But there are still parts of America that deserve protection from undue influence in this world, at least from the grasping minorities. And it’s the institutions mouldering under the veil of affirmative action that Victor holds most dear: Higher education and federal sub-contracting. Yeah.