Conservatives and Comedy Autism: The Ebola edition

Why aren’t conservatives funny? Why can’t they do comedy? Why are their political cartoons utterly senseless and mysterious stabs at satire? I don’t know. But it fascinates me.

I’ve been posting them here for five years. The misspelled word, the mixed metaphor, the forsaken simile, these are the robust tools of the men and women who make their living drawing cartoons for the likes of the Washington Times and Townhall.com. What’s astounding is that apparently large numbers of human beings find these things entertaining.

So, now that our EBOLA! epidemic has run its course, and we’re done burying all the bodies, let’s take a look at how the yukmeisters portrayed the crisis. Couldn’t we use a coupla laffs right now? In between all the memorials and tears? Sure.

Remember when no one yet knew how bad it was gonna be?

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Those were the days. I remember seeing this cartoon and thinking…’Oh crap. We’re in real trouble.’

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Then there were all the fools who said it couldn’t possibly get any worse than, say, the cost of living. Fancy Moses, I bet they’re embarrassed.

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Take a minute, and think about all of your neighbors who were killed by Vladimir Putin, ISIS, or the Secret Service in 2014 (if that’s possible). Then think about this: The Ebola pandemic was even worse than all of that. This drawing is an accurate snapshot of the conservative zombie-mind cerca, oh, 30 days ago. Feel free to update it by erasing ‘Ebola’ and penciling in ‘Immigration.’

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To my thinking the little Texan isn’t just a fair representation of millions of poor kids living in backwards towns across the country. It’s also a pretty good likeness of any Republican who ran for office in 2014. Scott Brown, thoughts of you.

Remember the Obama administration’s stubborn stance on Ebola? How very careless and dangerous.

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They’re wholly to blame for the zero deaths of Americans who weren’t originally infected in West Africa, where the real epidemic is. And remember: Your Trojan horses should always wear a gas mask (not a biohazard mask, of course) or they could easily catch the Ebola in their bellies. I can’t stress that enough, people.

And because of the administration’s refusal to give in to panic…

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…they were really a hopeless mess. Weren’t they? They were also utter hypocrites…

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…ummm you know what I mean? Or something? A president who goes out of his way to literally embrace Ebola survivors deserves to end up looking like this, don’t you think? I suppose we can file this one under ‘Projection.’ As far as any other efforts that represented the perfect opposite of reality…

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…there’s this. But you can’t really blame Lisa Benson, can you? She drew it way back in mid-October, after two brave nurses working an infectious disease ward somehow caught the virus. If the satirists didn’t understand anything about the disease, or the non-crisis, they at least remembered this much:

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Liberals love foreigners. Messicans, plagues, comme ci comme ca.

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And they love Hillary too. Take that, Ben Affleck. Some viruses just cast a broad political net.

And lastly. If the Obama administration was somehow fortunate enough to avoid the deaths of millions of people (damn), let’s not forget the structural damage the outbreak left behind. Specifically, what it did to America’s very heart and soul:

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The Dow Jones.

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Right? The stock market went belly up.

NEW YORK – The stock market closed out its fifth straight week of gains with another record high on Friday…

No?

All 10 sectors in the S&P 500 index rose, with materials stocks climbing the most. The sector is up 9 percent this year.

But it did go down, a little bit. Just don’t bother telling the Daddies it had nothing to do with the African poxes, ‘Bola and Barack, because…well, what’s that? Really? Ahem:

AMNESTY

…AMNESTY! AMNESTY!…

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