Legendary rock n’ roll failure to America: You’re doing it wrong.

Scott Stapp, lead singer of the worst rock band in Earth’s long and glorious history, is apparently broke. Hungry. Destitute. And living in his truck down by the river. And it’s just now come to his attention that you’re a stupid with a stupid head and your stupid head doesn’t love Jesus the way that he does. Which is the reason why Stay n’ Wash can’t really get out those tough greasy stains, or the reason why America is dying a harrowing spiritual death.

In a rambling video previously posted to his Facebook page, Scott Stapp — former lead singer of the band Creed — lamented the “soul sickness” that pervades America “because God has been removed out of American culture and relegated to churches.”

You might recall, in 1999, back when Scott could get his blowjobs videotaped, or back when Scott could get a blowjob, how America had been forced into praying to Scott’s God on a daily basis at school, or at work, or while listening to the worst crap anyone had ever heard on the radio. But not nowadays. Not now that everything is different. And not in some whatever trivial ‘I have no money and I just drove my truck into a river’ sort of way. In a REAL country-wide sort of way:

“We’ve taken God out of everything , we won’t allow our kids to pray to Christ or God in our public schools, but we sure will make allowances for Muslims and Hindus and Buddhists to have their freedom of religion, ” he said. “So we take Christianity out but then we inundate our children’s minds with the freedom of religion for everybody else. I mean, we’re humans, we’re made up of body, mind and soul.”

I mean if Freedom of Religion doesn’t require Christianity for everyone, what about us, the humans? What about our souls, man? These are fascinating questions, for which I have no answers.

Stapp continued, “Right now, we’ve got a generation of children and people all the way up into their forties who have a complete soul sickness because God has been removed out of American culture and relegated to churches. Except it’s printed on our money, because what I’m starting to realize is that’s really what’s become the God of America: money.”

This money-god thing being the reason why Scott doesn’t mind at all that he’s bankrupt and living in a rusty ’83 Ford F150 down by the river, and he hates fishing. Oh but No. Rather what I meant to say was that he’s completely obsessed with getting his millions of stolen rock n’ roll dollars back from that damned ten-penny grifter. You know, the nice-enough guy who had the gall to ask ‘Hey man what’s that behind you?’ and then fly Scott’s former life off to Brazil. Where the con-man and Scott’s former life now live in a hotel penthouse and do it doggystyle all day, while they listen to Nickelback. And while they spend Scott’s money eating Scott’s shrimp cocktail and they laugh. OH how they laugh. The end.

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