If you see Scott Stapp riding around on a bike…

…please tackle him.

Scott Stapp threatened to assassinate President Obama… and his alarmed wife and sister-in-law made a desperate 911 call to stop him.

Hear the sirens, America? We have to stop Creed’s lead singer from assassinating the president.

Scott had just gone AWOL from a mental facility late last month, when his sister-in-law told the 911 dispatcher he was cruising around his neighborhood, shirtless on a bicycle. She says the former Creed frontman claimed to be a CIA agent and his mission was to kill Obama.

For the Love Of God. Suggestions?

Jaclyn Stapp, Scott’s wife, joins the 40-minute 911 call, telling the dispatcher Scott had printed out 400 – 600 pages of CIA documents which he supposedly found online, put them in a book bag and took off on his bike.

The 2 women were pleading with the dispatcher to snare Scott and take him back to the psych ward.

Yes, that. To the asylum mooks, with the long black gloves: Please do “snare Scott and take him back to the psych ward.” That’d be fine. Meanwhile everybody carry a stick with you at all times. And when Scott on his bike comes anywhere near you jam it in his spokes. Take that, Lee Harvey Douchewald.

As cops were dispatched, Scott placed his own 911 call, saying his wife had stolen his truck and that’s why he was on a bike.

Semper vigilans.


5 thoughts If you see Scott Stapp riding around on a bike…

  1. avatar bjkeefe says:

    I always sprang to change the station when Creed came on, but this is still sad.

  2. avatar toma says:

    It’s less sad when you appreciate what a cushy life he’s led all these years. And when you hear him lecturing all of us about our empty Godless lives, which isn’t very considerate, to say the least.

  3. avatar bjkeefe says:

    Can’t argue with any of that. But still, if you looked at the prior lecturing as part of the accelerating mental illness … Not sure why I’m being so charitable in this case, when I usually have no patience and no good wishes for any other rich wingnut …

  4. avatar toma says:

    Because charity is a good thing. You’re a damn fine liberal, Brendan. And in that spirit, and in the holiday season’s traditions, I beseech the Flying Spaghetti Monster bless you and all yours.

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