Crash and burn, Brian Williams

It’s comes to me as no surprise that Brian Williams is quite full of it.

The story actually started with a terrible moment a dozen years back during the invasion of Iraq when the helicopter we were traveling in was forced down after being hit by an RPG. Our traveling NBC News team was rescued, surrounded and kept alive by an armor mechanized platoon from the U.S. Army 3rd Infantry.

He’s always come off as a smarmy lightweight, quick to have you ooh and aah before him for his a.) being from working class New Jersey, which is embarrassing and b.) working as a teenage volunteer firefighter, which would be a little more impressive if I’d ever thought for a minute any of this was remotely true:

I remember one such house fire — the structure was fully involved with flames and smoke. I was wearing a breathing apparatus, conducting a search on my hands and knees, when I felt something warm, squishy and furry on the floor of a closet. I instinctively tucked it in my coat. When I got outside, I saw two small eyes staring up at me, and I returned the 3-week-old (and very scared) puppy to its grateful owners.

OH I have no idea what this furry thing is but I’ll just shove it in my pocket. And I’ll crawl my way from out of the conflagration, just to look down now and see…two beady eyes? WHY A CUTE LITTLE PUPPY I NEVER! What are the odds? Surprising how these things can happen. And that’s all for this edition of doin’ the Old Soft Shoe up my own ass, I’m Brian Williams.

As you can see there appear to be two eternal truths when considering the life and times of our senior Fire Marshal. He has always felt the need to lie, and he has always been terrible at it.

Which makes these video clips even funnier today. They’re a series of glossy promotional ads, with aural gravitas lent them by Michael Douglas, that NBC shot for the tenth anniversary of the ascendancy of Crash & Burn B-Dub to their nightly news anchor chair. And just how did they portray their gutty hero? Well see for yourself, look at the titles: ‘Experience’, ‘What Matters’, and ‘Battle Scars’ (hup, hold your tongues). I’m sure you would agree, friends, that whenever we think about Him it’d be those specific things – stop giggling dammit – that are all essential to making Brian… BRIAN.

It’s a thing that you build slowly over time. It can happen during big moments. More often its the day to day things. And what you build, if you work hard enough, if you respect it, is a powerful thing…called ‘Trust.’

That’s right. If you only work hard enough. And if you respect it, the way Brian respects, for example, being in a Chinook helicopter that gets shot right down to the ground, which would be frankly scary, and by ‘shot down’ I mean in the fu’realz like a rebel rocket hitting your flying ship which then causes the flying to cease, along with your continuing to live, maybe, unless the pilot can somehow manage to crash-land it – because god knows anyone could just say something crazy like that without it really being true, which is not a very big deal, juxtaposed with perhaps having your airship blasted out of the sky over enemy territory while you were sitting in the back of it, except for a certain someone’s bald-faced lying on the TV news, right? – what you build is a thing called… ‘Trust.’

Of course were the opposite to be true, if a certain news-person didn’t give a good goddamn about respect, or the truth, then far beyond me a great deal many people would suddenly realize he was quite full of shit. And a certain conglomerate-network that had contracted to pay him millions of dollars would be in a very very bad situation, indeed.

UH-OH: There’s blood in the water

A Louisiana newspaper on Friday raised questions about tales that NBC News anchor Brian Williams has told publicly about his reporting from New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina.

Did he embellish his Hurricane Katrina experiences?

Williams said in a 2006 interview that he had watched the body of a man float by him in New Orleans’ famed French Quarter.

“When you look out of your hotel window in the French Quarter and watch a man float by face down, when you see bodies that you last saw in Banda Aceh, Indonesia, and swore to yourself that you would never see in your country,” Williams said.

But as the Advocate pointed out, the French Quarter is situated in an elevated part of the city. Various media reports since 2005 have noted that the tourist-heavy neighborhood was spared from the kind of devastating flooding that the Lower Ninth Ward suffered.

And what about that bout of hurricane dysentery?

Then in a 2014 interview with his predecessor Tom Brokaw, Williams said he inadvertently drank some floodwater and got terribly sick.

“My week, two weeks there was not helped by the fact that I accidentally ingested some of the floodwater,” he told Brokaw. “I became very sick with dysentery, our hotel was overrun with gangs, I was rescued in the stairwell of a five-star hotel in New Orleans by a young police officer. We are friends to this day. And it just was — I look back at total agony.”

Dr. Brobson Lutz, a former city health director who provided emergency health services in the French Quarter during the storm, told the Advocate that the neighborhood was “never wet.” As for Williams’ story of coming down with dysentery, he said he’d never heard of anything like that.

“I saw a lot of people with cuts and bruises and such, but I don’t recall a single, solitary case of gastroenteritis during Katrina or in the whole month afterward,” Lutz told the Advocate.

As for drinking floodwater (…umm?) Lutz adds: “I don’t know anybody that’s tried that to see, but my dogs drank it, and they didn’t have any problems.” It’s been nice knowing you, Brian…