The mystification of McArdle

…slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe – am I right?

Megan McArdle writes perhaps the most mind-numbing missive of her magnificent career. It’s about evolution, of course, because science and math are to Megan what hobnail boots are to dandelions.

I know what you are going to say: We need to know if he [Scott Walker] thinks scientifically or submits reason to theology! I don’t think this actually tells us any such thing.

The god-botherers think evolution is a game of cups and balls, but when they tell you as much it doesn’t really mean anything. Except, obviously it does. It says quite a bit, actually. But I sorta kinda think I know what you’re getting at…except for no, I have no idea. I do know that every concrete thing in Megan’s world is fraught with angles and shadows. Because…who knows?

I was at a dinner the other night where the very high percentage of Americans who believe in young-earth creationism was submitted as evidence of the failure of the U.S. school system. I don’t think that’s right.

Of course it’s right. Why would the religionists be so desperate to abolish evolution from schools otherwise? What would be the point of homeschooling? Megan’s schtick is nothing more than rank gainsaying. And much like your parakeet, if you put up a mirror beside her she’ll break it with her head.

People forget most of what they learn in school almost as soon as they learn it — I got an A in sophomore chemistry, and all I can tell you about it now is that it’s sometimes measured in “moles” and there’s something called a covalent bond that . . . well, actually, I forget.

Education, I mean. Totally useless, am I right? C’mon everybody forgets what they learned in high school ( ‘cept stupid me who remembers what moles and bonds were). I wouldn’t have thought “I’m stupid” to be a persuasive argument. But first, a clarification:

And before you start looking all superior, STEM majors, what is the difference between the conditional and the subjunctive, and can you name four causes of the Thirty Years’ War without resorting to Google?

I, Megan, do remember esoteric bullshit. So don’t fuck with me, plebes! The crossways attitude has got to be some sort of Libertarian thing. Your government schooling could never make me learn anything, but my glorious free will sure as heck did! Let’s fire all the teachers, promote the ditchdiggers and then have McMegan somehow sort it all out. Preferably by getting paid to lounge around the house and tell everybody how wicked stupid/smart she is.

Most of the people who “believe” in evolution don’t have much more scientific foundation for their beliefs than a young- earth creationist does for theirs.

Do most people know about dinosaur bones? Yes. Do young-earthers know about the ‘evidence’ for creationism? No. Because there’s none. What a classic McArglebargle, placing thoroughbreds and unicorns side-by-side. Who’ll win the Kentucky Derby this year? Scientists will pretend to know, but those bastards are always lying.

…I wish [reporters] would spend equal time asking Democrats questions that force them to choose between their base and independent voters, such as “Is it a good thing that technology and legal abortion now mean that 90 percent of Down syndrome pregnancies are terminated?”

I can’t even. There is something so whacko about this woman. Let’s go to the end:

All that said, these questions will get asked, and if Scott Walker wants to be president, then he needs to have better answers.

Wait – what? This whole screed argues to the contrary from the beginning. But now Megan has changed her mind? She’s completely of the opposite opinion now?

In a country in which these issues are hotly contested, many of these questions are perfectly fair subjects on which the public has the right to know your opinions.

Believe it. And I have a question of my own: What is wrroong with you? McMeg: It’s stupid for people to ask about evolution, because you can’t learn anything from that, and even if you could it’s useless, and school is useless too, and besides people don’t really know anything, although I’m obviously a genius, and I sure wish somebody would ask Democrats horrible questions because, in the end, that’s the way you learn about candidates – by what they say for an answer, because all of us are very smart and like to ask politicians about things. Right, has everybody got all that? Oh absolutely, quite. Any of you perhaps interested in a demonstration? Why of course…WHAT ABOUT EVOLUTION?

Unless McArdle has gone completely bonkers, this is really…something. As if we were watching the different lobes of her brain wrestle like pigeons over a chicken bone. Or like seeing the debut of some form of high falutin’ digital auto-eroticism, to which I say ‘yuck.’